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Love Someone Tonight
Dear Delilah; Your Show Sucks My Right Asshole

By Puncturing Their Eardrums

Delilah is a syndicated radio Delilah is a syndicated radio hostess who devotes her show to love--ahhhhhhh. I think I am going to puke diarrhea. At first I thought she was a local radio loser because she gave a local address to send letters to, which I did as you will read below. But driving all throughout this great country taught me two things, Delilah is on the air everywhere and god damn if people aren't fucking losers all across this nation.

Fuck You & Your Uppity Web Site

Her site is www.radiodelilah.com. Check it out, there's even a page displaying letters that she has read on her program. Her show is usually on between 6 and midnight and consists of her taking calls from people with relationship questions (i.e. Does he beat me too much?, Does he beat me too little?, Should I lose the weight? (yes), Should I ask her out?, Should I cut long ways or diagonally? (either way)) for Delilah to solve. She reassures them that their crappy lives aren't crappy and then dedicates a Michael Bolton song to them and a loved one. Thank god radio is not dead.

I have no idea why or how I first starting listening to her show, but I do know why I started writing her--because I didn't believe my fiction could top the true life stories and problems of those trailer whackos. As good as I feel these letters are, I don't believe they are as entertaining as the real-life problems and situations that are told on her show--those losers are crazy funny. The above letters along, with about 30 others, have all been sent into her show. Unfortunately, I have no idea if any of them have been read on the air, because I have never been able to listen to her lovey dovey touchy feely crappy show for more than 15 minutes before I get bleeding hives.

If god intended us to have foreplay, then why did he invent KY Jelly?