I am writing you after just yelling and screaming at my 6 week old daughter for no reason at all. Lately, I blame her for
everything even when I know it isn't her fault. But I can't stop being mean and mad at her. When she cries it feels like nails
scratching on a chalkboard that is inside my head. I try to stay away from her as much as I can. Feeding her and changing
her is a chore that I must force and threaten myself to do. I just can't stop hating her.
When I sit down and think about my problems though, it just make sense to blame her though. I know she didn't purposely
cause my life to turn to crap, but it all does spring from her. Because of her I lost my boyfriend of 5 years who had promised
to marry me before she was 1. Instead when she was born with 12 fingers and 11 toes he left me. He said that I must have
cheated on him since that doesn't run in his family. He said he wouldn't even give me child support because he says no freak
baby could be his, and even if a DNA test proved her to be his daughter he still doesn't want to be a part of our life. Frankly, If
I hadn't been awake during the C-section and saw them pull her from me, I would think and hope she wasn't mine.
It gets worse. The doctors said that they could cure her polydigititis with surgery, but after they did the HMO wouldn't pay
for it. They said that it was unnecessary cosmetic surgery, so now I'm stuck with a $14,000 hospital bill. Worse than that,
they didn't even warn me that the fingers and toes would grow back because I think they are. So, in a couple of years I will
need to come up with another $14,000 to pay for another surgery to when they grow back in. I am thinking about putting her
up for adoption because that seems like the only option that would be best for both of us. Then again, who wants to adopt a
baby with a dozen fingers? I think I have found another solution to our problems.
Please pray for us both,
Jena S Cloruss