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Gallery->Dear Delilah->My Non-Homocidal Destiny

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Delilah Main

Dear Delilah,

It is so funny and intriguing how events totally unrelated to our lives can have such a profound effect on our destiny. I know of one instance that literally saved my life and soul. And knowing that made me a realize that every one of our actions effects the fate of the entire world. This makes me love your show even more, because I know if such a trivial thing as Carol Sunjess running out of gas can effect my life so greatly, I know that everyone listening to your show probably has their fate greatly enhanced.

If Ms. Sunjess had filled her gas tank on July 17, 1973 my soul would be rotting in hell right now. Allow me to extrapolate--Ms. Sunjess was the casting director for the movie "Taxi Driver", because she ran out of gas she missed Jodie Foster's audition and Martin Scoresese hired her without Ms. Sunjess' (she had been leaning toward casting an actual teen whore that she meet while researching roles) say so. Taxi Driver was the movie that John Hinckley saw and started his craze for Jodie Foster. Hinckley went on to shoot Ronald Reagan to impress her, instead he missed and got James Brady. This was the start of the highly debated Brady Bill, now Brady Law, which mandates a 7 day waiting period on new purchases of guns.

On August 17, 1996, I found my wife in bed with another man. After I beat them both up, I went on a mad rage, destroying everything in sight and rushed off to buy a gun at kill them both--this is not hyperbole, I was literally going to kill them both. After Wal-Mart told me of the law, I argued with the manager and finally signed up the enrollment form and decided to put off killing them for a week. Two hours before Wal-Mart opened on the day I was to get my gun, my wife came to me and begged for forgiveness (she had no idea of my plans) knowing this I knew she was sincere and decided to talk with her. We worked things out, and instead of going on a murder-suicide spree, which would have caused me to spend eternity in hell, I decided to give us a second chance.

Therefore, because of Ms. Sunjess' gas oversight, my wife and I are celebrating our 1st anniversary of our second try. I would like to thank Ms. Sunjess for her absentmindedness, Mr. Scorsese in his casting decision, Ms. Foster for her stalkability, Mr. Hinkley for his bad aim, Mr. Brady for his endurance in passing legislation, my wife for still loving me, you, Delila, for all that you do to enhance others destinies. And for everyone out there that has done little things that I will never know that has effected my fate and allowed me to have the life that I am currently living.

It has been 1 year since that day, and I would like for you to tell my wife how I feel about her and to play "Forever In Your Arms", for my wife, because that is where I want to spend my eternity, not in a fiery lake.

May destiny shine on you,

Sean L Scojurs

I don't tell jokes into your toilet, so please don't pee in my mouth.