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Gallery->Dear Delilah->I Love My Large Wife

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Delilah Main

Dear Delilah;

My wife always listens to your show, and our anniversary is coming up and I would like to give this to her for it.

Dear Angie;

I just want to say through all I say and do that I love you even the way you are. Even though I call you fat, porky, heifer, "Angie the human eclipse", suuuuueeeey, oinker, manteca, shamu jr., Tons of Fun, Angie Tubbinski, El Lardo, and for all the seemingly mean things I do like when I spackeled all the dimples in your legs and ass smooth, and always yelling "JESUS!!! DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT MUCH" everytime we go to the store or out to eat, and for blaming you as the reason I bought a wide angle cam corder lens, and for always saying "What do you think, Einstein" when a hostess asks if we would like a table or booth, and I always wear that "I'm with Fatty T-shirt" when I am out with you, and always showing our house guests the stress marks on our toilet and stretch marks on our couch, and for using you to crack nuts with, and for billing you as the largest woman on earth and charging neighborhood kids $5 to have their picture taken with you as you sleep, and using you to get free dinners at restaurants by threatening to let you loose at the buffet unless the manager comps us, and charging you a penny a pound a mile for gas money for every pound you weighs over 200 lb., and cutting the ass out of all of your moo-moos, and always sending a joke IRS return claiming you as 3 dependents, and always asking you to lose a couple pounds so you would look like that hot skinny Mama Cass, and for writing "Fatty" on your forehead with a permanent marker, and for trying to kill you like how Kevin Spacey murdered that porker in the movie Seven.

I want to let you know that I love you. Those are just my ways of showing you my affection, and each time I do something like that you should feel flattered because I am really saying "I love you".

Love Joe.

Thank You Dalila for allowing me to do this on your show. Could you please play "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen and dedicate it to humongous wife---so she will know that this is my way of saying I love her.

Thanks,

Joe S Sancurs

I swear to god I would have never had done that if I didn't think she was at least 12.