porkjerky plogBitch Better Have My Money
Was watching my neice who’s still a crawler
She found some coins and gave one a swaller
Hoping for diarrhea
To free Sacagawea
If not, that bitch still owes me a dollar.
Ballad Of The Lazy Bather
I was in the shower and couldn’t wait
Getting out to use the toilet—I hate
As I shampooed my hair
I relieved myself there
Then stomped and mashed that huge turd down the grate.
The Immaculate Defecation
What would you do if you pooped a turd divine?
A religious looking crap, Is that a sign?
To me it would be scary
To shit the Virgin Mary
Of course, in a heartbeat, I’d sell it online.
Art De Mon Derriere
I use public restrooms to show my wit
Poems, drawings, etchings done as I sit.
I think its art
Straight from my heart
Especially the landscapes, done with shit.
Rhyming Household Tip
If a cat keeps filling your yard with poo,
Here’s a trick Martha Stewart won’t teach you;
He can keep on licking,
But closed tight, its sticking
Cats’ assholes are no match for super glue
Father Knows Best
My father, who’s full of great advice and wit;
Said we’re gonna talk about love and to sit.
Call me old fashioned,
Maybe unpassioned;
Son, true love doesn’t make you eat a girls shit.
My Friend
I, umm had this friend, yeah that’s it,
I-He’d been drinking quite a bit.
A long, gross story short
Take my-his word for it,
When he-I say ‘This tastes like shit’.
Roses And My Ass Are Red, Violets Are Blue…
I once had an awesomely hairy tush
A candy binge left me straining to push
A turd of gummy bears
yanked all my anus hairs
Thus the end of my beautiful ass-bush.
Painful Poopy Poetry
A piece of shit was once in my ass
A turd I thought I would never pass
scratched the length of my gut,
tons of blood out my butt
When did I swallow a piece of glass?
Lyrics To A Simpler Time
In my teens, I once crapped in a paper bag
The ingredients of a great prank I had
Toss, burn, smear, and/or bake
A choice I couldn’t make
And, that’s why, today, my attic smells so bad.
