Lyrics To A Simpler Time

In my teens, I once crapped in a paper bag The ingredients of a great prank I had     Toss, burn, smear, and/or bake     A choice I couldn’t make And, that’s why, today, my attic smells so bad.

Ladies, not that you need one, but here's a surefire way to start a fight: "Do these pants make my tits look fat?"