Archive for January, 2009
There once was a turd in my bottom
He wanted to stay, but I fought him
After hours of strain
The beast finally slain
Now to stop bleeding from my rectum
As much as I bitch, the web is still awesome for certain things that were eye-gougingly, ball stompingly, boring back in the day. For example, bible research. Suppose, oh I don’t know, maybe, perhaps you wanted to find out how the Bible dealt with certain subjects. Perhaps, maybe, oh I don’t know, [...]
Black eyes, cigarette burns, broken bones, born addicted to crack, white supremacy tattoos: None of those come close to signaling that you’re a horrible parent like having a fat kid.
So it is with a mediocre amount of fanfare that I bestow upon My Overweight Child Blog the 1st Random Time Interval Shitty Blog Award presented [...]
Oh man that pisses me off. Here I am working my duodenum off trying to expel this monstrous turd from my ass in one piece and it goes and does that.
We’ve all been there right? Slowly pushing, keeping your asshole loose and limber. Slowly pushing, slowly pushing, letting the turd gently glide [...]
Jesus H. Cocksucking Fuck Christ Almighty Cunt Piss Whore. Why are people allowed to post uncensored comments on the internet. And by ‘uncensored’ I mean, checked for retardation. I am all for cursing, in fact I get offended when people pull this ‘I am cursing without using curse words’ bullshit.
When you use [...]
At first glance you might look at today’s crap and think its just two small dooks. But oh how wrong you would be. This crap is something to blow even Mr. Wizard’s mind.
The one at the top left is pretty tiny, the one in the center however, is actually resting on the bottom of [...]
Why do I even google information about blogs? It’s like asking someone to kick me in the balls daily.
In researching how to sell out a blog, I came across an idea that’s equivalent to how homeless people make money washing windshields–first do it, then harrass, pester, beg, and whine like a twat [...]
I once put a P’zone in my gut,
Never made it out of Pizza Hut,
Ass barely on the pot,
When out molten shit shot,
All that from one small hole in my butt?
Now, I may be dating myself (possibly date raping myself if I don’t willingly give it up—of course have you seen how I dress? I’m usually asking for it) but remember in the mid-90’s when everyone was getting rich by selling phone cards? Well, maybe not the rich part, but everyone was selling them. [...]
Oh look, January 20, 2009, let’s celebrate this new turd. Take to the streets. Sing a song. Wave a flag. Oh god bless this new turd. Its going to make our whites whiter, our brights brighter, help us lose 20 lbs without watching what we eat, increase our closet space by 200% [...]