Christianity, It’s For The…Well You Know

At first I thought it was a tired, shitty Christian metaphor. You know, something about soaring with God or how we all need Jesus in our nests or how the holy spirit is there to preen us and regurgitate sustenance into our mouths or how god indiscriminately shits all over our freshly washed cars.

Bird Watching Plus God Equals Extra Shitty Blog

But no, This Shitty Blog Winner has a title that is more a literal than figurative phrase. Birds of The Bible Blog is really about birds in the bible. Its subtitle is ‘Birdwatching From A Christian Perspective’. Riveting.

Thank god though. Finally someone has offered a morally superior alternative to the ordinary heretical bird watching that so many of us do.

I am simultaneously disgusted and amused at how the word ‘christian’ has become an ordinary adjective. It adds nothing to describe something, yet somehow Christians feel the need to describe everything they do as ‘christian’. They have successfully genericized the name of their savior.

The blog itself sounds like one of those new-fangled sci-fi weapons the military is working on. The kind that even science fiction writers haven’t imagined and are so far fetched they aren’t covered by the Geneva convention:

…and that’s how the Sonic Enema incapacitates and disgusts everyone within a 5 mile radius. Ok, moving on to the next weapon. We call this the ‘Birds of the Bible’, It will literally bore the enemy to death within 2 seconds. It works a lot like carbon monoxide poisoning; they simply grow sleepy and fall into a catatonic state never to awake again.

Lastly, Birds of The Bible Blog has a copyright notice, because lord knows the posts about what birds were seen during the 2nd week of December 2009 in Polk County Florida is going to make someone a ton of money and they have to protect it.

Congratulations Birds of The Bible Blog, you are the current winner of a Christian Shitty Blog Award. Because just when you thought ornithology couldn’t get any more boring, you went ahead and proved it possible by adding god to it.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.


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You see it in movies and look forward to doing it your whole life, but let me tell you; you're never truly prepared for identifying and claiming your first werewolf mauled body from the morgue.