Oh The Places You Will Shit

Crap Map

Allocation Of My Shit By State For 2009

Like an Electoral College map on election night, this is just a projection. Of shit.

I still owe you one turd in 2009, but through complex statistical polling, I project that this year’s last turd will will be awarded to the state of Kansas. The map above reflects this. If somehow Dewey Doesn’t Defeat Truman, I will update this map, designate tomorrow’s poop correctly, issue an apology and vaporize some Japanese kids (I used to live in Independence, Missouri: Harry-Truman-nuking-innocent-Japanese-civilians jokes never get old).

(Or laughed at).

All in all it wasn’t a bad year. I crapped in 5 different states, 3 different time zones and only twice in my pants. I calculated how much poop has and will ever come out of my ass, found out my brown eye doesn’t need to be, got my MBA, saw another human being shit, tried to grow peas on my poop, crapped out some money into the economy and amazingly didn’t make one dirty nickel off my shit.

America, of you I sing.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.


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If they outlaw incoherence, will be outlaws incoherent only.