porkjerky plogCrapometry
T Minus 22,938 Turds
I’ve got about 15 more craps left in me for 2009, give or take. But what about in the rest of my life? Now that wasn’t one of those quasi-rhetorical questions I use to lead into some shit calculation. Given my immediate forefathers lifespans, my shit calculator, my genius and my desire to know the […]
Fun With The Law Of Sines
Get our your gas masks and calculators out boys and girls, its time for a pop poop quiz. Be sure to show your work. We want to find out the length of the turd that is pictured horizontally. Here’s what we know: The vertical poop (B) is 15 centimeters long. Where the turds (A, B) […]
Absolute Yellow
I don’t mean to toot my own cock, but that’s some fine yellow peeing. It can’t get much yellower than that. Can it? Sounds like another science experiment. I wonder if there is an upper bound to how yellow piss can be. There’s an absolute zero, there’s terminal velocity and nothing can travel faster than […]
My Carbon Butt Print
If my calculations are correct, and they are, in the last 30 years I’ve shit 3.2 tons and 1.8 miles of poo in my life. Not too bad for a white guy. In honor of Earth day (yeah, I have no fucking clue when it actually is, nor do I care. Feel free to send […]
Blogging Out And Of My Ass
As soon as I save up 3 months salary from sucking trucker dick behind the Waffle House, I am going to buy a ring and ask Google Blog Search to marry me. That’s legal in Iowa right? It’s paradoxical: Blogs are this sea of turds, just a shitty pool of totally worthless human waste yet […]
Humanity’s Greatest Accomplishment
Ok class, we’ve done it for my lifetime and we’ve done it for humanity on a worldwide level for one day. Now we are doing it for the entire population ever. We are answering the ultimate question raised by crapometry: How much shit have humans produced in our existence? I mean, it’s got to be […]
Is It Poop Yet? Is It Poop Yet? Is It Poop Yet?
Ok, life begins at conception. I am with you on that. Doesn’t mean I’m not for killing babies. Just saying I agree with you about when life initiates. Sperm enters egg. That’s black, and white, its definitive, its objective. Life is an easy one. Here’s a philosophical brain buster for you Mr. Theologian, when does […]
Categorical Shit
Amazing. Hippocrates, the father of medicine, died almost 2380 years ago. The oldest medical school in the United States is 11 years older than the country itself. In the last 20 years trillions of dollars, milllenia of man hours and countless other resources have been employed in medical research. But somehow, someway, the most basic, […]
A Boy, His Anus And A Dream
Finally, after months of perfecting my technique I did it. My hours of practice, dedication and my innate abilities have finally paid the dividends I knew they would. Success is mine. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there about hard work, setting goals and following through. You can’t just sit around […]
Humanity’s Crapacity
Ok, I’ve done a lot to advance the knowledge of microcrapology, letting everyone calculate how much they shit in a day, week, month etc. Now, let’s take it to the next level. We’re going macro. Specifically, current daily macro–How much shit does the current human population of the Earth produce each day? Of course, to […]
