porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Hi, I’m A Douchebag
I get queasy at the sight of blood, so please somebody please slit my wrists for me. I got an email today from some pretentious fuck. How did I know they were a pretentious fuck? They told me. Not in so many words, but in so many letters. Their email signature said something like ‘Tinydick […]
Coach’s Corner
Team Porkjerky.com Shitters Dear lord, we ask that you watch over everyone shitting today. Please save us all from anal fissures, rectal tears, prolapsed ani and any other injury that the devil will try to throw at us. For your glory we crap. Amen. Now lets get out there and put on a shitting clinic. […]
My Friend
I, umm had this friend, yeah that’s it, I-He’d been drinking quite a bit. A long, gross story short Take my-his word for it, When he-I say ‘This tastes like shit’.
Award Winning Nutbag Blog
Yesterday, in my attempt to find a shitty blog that I was pretty sure existed, I got sidetracked when I stumbled on the web’s shittiest blog search site. Today, I restruck out in search of the blog of my shitty dreams and was successful. I didn’t know if this exact blog existed, but was confident […]
Google Leech
I figured my nuts had healed enough, so I decided to slam them in the internet once again. I had an idea for what would be an excellent shitty blog and wanted to see if it existed. My theory is that any crappy idea for a shitty blog that I can dream up, odds are […]
Humanity’s Crapacity
Ok, I’ve done a lot to advance the knowledge of microcrapology, letting everyone calculate how much they shit in a day, week, month etc. Now, let’s take it to the next level. We’re going macro. Specifically, current daily macro–How much shit does the current human population of the Earth produce each day? Of course, to […]
Blogger Jihad
There are so many similarities: No cure, a consequence of being gay, sent here by god as a punishment for mankind’s sins. And now I just found another one. Like AIDS, no one can identify a definitive starting point for blogging. I had the ammonia nitrate all packed. I disassembled my kitchen timer to make […]
Baby Placebos
Whenever I am out taking the dog for a shit in someone else’s yard and pass a couple, both of whom are over 30, and they are walking more than 1 dog, I always try to figure out which one is infertile. Its got to be her. The bitch has ribbons on, the male has […]
Activia, Now With More Scam
For millions of years unenlightened people have been squatting around like imbeciles, never realizing they should be more proactive in controlling their bowels. Like idiots, past generations thought it would be fine to just leave it up to nature to decide when they shit. Never even thinking that they should force bacteria into their system […]
Polyanusism
I would much rather have 5 assholes than 2 appendices. Come on that’s a no brainer. 1. An appendix is gut candy, belly dressing. It does nothing. B. Strike that, it does do something and it’s a bad thing. The only confirmed purpose it serves is to get infected and threaten your life. […]
