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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

The Turd That Wouldn’t Flush

Speaking of Snoopy and peanuts and people pouring out shitty drivel to the web, Charles Schulz’s comic was as worthless as the undigested legumes in my shit.

Even from a young age I realized that there was nothing good in it. I mean, I probably, like most of the world, read over 2000 Peanuts comics in my life. But why?

Like everyone else I was conditioned, it’s just what you did. It must be at the top of the comic page for a reason. Then I realized something about Peanuts and saw it applied to more than just that shitty Charlie Brown comic.

Peanuts is, because Peanuts was.

That’s it. That’s why it was so famous and always atop the funnies in every paper-because it was so famous and always atop the funnies in every paper. It’s a self-fulfilling turd.

That’s how society works. We accept the accepted.

Of all the people you know, while they eat it, is there one person among them who thinks McDonalds has the best hamburgers? Baseball is the slowest, most inaction-packed sport on network television, yet it’s the national pastime. You’re telling me that out of the 537 federally elected positions in this nation’s government that its just a happy coincidence that not even one of them was elected while running as a non-republicans nor non-democrat?

We are a society built on not thinking qualitatively about the shit we ingest. As long as someone in the past did it, it must be ok. No need to think about it, just open up your mouth/eyes/ballot and take in the load of crap you haven’t devoted one ounce of thought to.

Do you remember a well-drawn Peanuts? No. Do you remember a well-written Peanuts? No. What about even one ounce of wit or something halfway profound? Nope and nope. Peanuts owes its success to its success. It is because it was. Like a turd that won’t flush.

After a week or so people just accept it. After awhile longer people just assume that turd came with that model of commode. A sort of starter turd to help you get going with your crap. At some point, people take comfort in the fact that it is there and even welcome that turd that won’t go down. They expect that turd to be there. If by chance that turd ever does flush, those same people will be mad/sad. Not because the turds gone, but because something changed in their life that they expected. Maybe they even try to get it put back to like it was for no reason other than that’s how it was.

Oh sure, oh sure, everyone remembers that Lucy pulled out the football as Charlie Brown went to kick it, he always got his clothes knocked off when pitching, Snoopy was the Red Baron, Marcy called Peppermint Patty ‘Sir’, Linus had a blanket, Schroeder played piano, grownups talked funny, Pigpen was dirty and something about a Great Pumpkin that never came.

Witty? No.

Well drawn? No.

Repetively beat into our heads through years of familiarity? Yes and that’s how we like it.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.