porkjerky plogArchive for March, 2009
Fat Pieces Of Shit
This is not news to anyone, but people are generally ignorant. Myself included. There is just too much in the world to be informed of. Like knowing about what words not to end sentences with.
That was pretty god damn good, but you probably missed it. Both times. And that’s [...]
Shitacular Blog Award
Clench your sphincters shut, slap on another rubber and think twice about raping that marmoset at the Austin Zoo. Thanks to today’s winner of the Porkjerky.com Random Time Interval Shitty Blog Award, I now know of another strain of a popular disease that’s going to kill us all.
It’s a disease that the mainstream media is [...]
Ode To Mr. Walton
I once thought I had to only fart
That was a big mistake on my part
Oh that isn’t gas
Spurting from my ass
Clean up on Aisle 4 of Wal-mart
Fat Chicks, Big Tits
There are three types of fat chicks with huge tits in this world.
You’ve got the boring, ‘I’m a fat chick with huge tits, big deal’ chicks, the ‘I’m a huge fat bitch but if I hide my gargantuan hooters behind a sports bra, a loose bloose, a huge sweater and then hunch over with a [...]
I Ate That?
Whoa, holy shit when did I eat that? Look at that. Jesus Christ, how’d that get in there. I don’t remember that at all. That just doesn’t make sense.
Wait a minute. Oh wait. Maybe…Ok Ok, now it makes sense.
Yeah, that’s right. I had a midnight snack that consisted of [...]
Dog Shit Capitalism
Here’s a story behind the story.
Ok, everyone knows about the delicious irony of me having a blog so I can crap about how shitty blogs are. While I was trying to sell ads on this shithole plog of mine I googled/yahooed a bunch of keywords that related to it. I hoped [...]
Romantic Verse Gone Wrong
A girl once had her mouth on my junk
Something starts to shoot, but it ain’t spunk
Before I could say,
‘Get out of the way!’
She got facialed, the bad kind of gunk
Pooping To The Choir
How fucking stupid does it take to be illiterate? It’s like never learning how to shit.
Blind people can read for fuck’s sake.
Illiteracy is a lot like getting hit by a train—you actually have to go out of your way to do so. Oh everyone pretends it’s a tragedy and is sympathetic to [...]
And God Said, Let There Be Hair On Assholes
Ok, by now you’ve figured out how I know I have a hairy asshole and how I know how it stacks up to others’. Now on to the real philosophical question raised by hairy assholes.
Why?
If you’re a creationist, then life’s simple (real fucking simple). God put hair on our assholes—that’s all you [...]
Cornholerows
Now, I’m not the type of guy to who likes to overly brag. I don’t casually work into every conversation how great I am (awesomely great), how huge my cock is (disgustingly, almost unusably huge) or how much of a great gift I am to the world (move over Christ, there’s a new JC [...]
