The Case Of The Phantom Poo

Here’s a mystery for you Nancy Drew. Where’s my shit?
I swear to your favorite deity that I spent a good 90 seconds slowly coaxing a turd from my ass. I swear. Got the soiled toilet paper to prove it. I shit. I honestly shit.

Right?
Please tell me I didn’t hallucinate a [...]

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Then drown the motherfuckers in their own shit.