What Would Jesus Wipe With?

If some shady archaeologist offers to sell you a shit stained papyrus and tells you Jesus wiped his ass with it, it’s a scam. There is no T.P. of Turin.
In researching my latest doctoral thesis du jour, this one covering wiping our assholes, I came to learn that we didn’t always use toilet paper. [...]

Holy Jesus H. God Damn Fucking Christ
(now that's how you blasphemy).