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Current Mood: Shitty (sweet Jesus H. Fuck I am witty)

Breaking News: The News Suck Ass

A-fucking-mazing. I watch the local newscasts by flipping among the 4 local T.V. stations from 10:05 until 10:12. The first 5 minutes is weather, what’s coming up in the weather later in the newscast and shots of reporters live on location in front of places that had something happen there 10 hours ago giving you a cocktease of the shitty report they are going to give you after the commercial break.

Everything after minute 12 of the newscast is weather, more weather, clips of that god damn water-skiing squirrel and a weather synopsis. So you miss nothing by coming late and leaving early.

That’s why I only watch newscasts for those 7 minutes—it’s the only part of the news that’s actually news. And then even calling it news is being generous.

On each of the 4 newscasts (which bumped up their weather coverage tonight because there’s a big storm 200 miles to the south of us (true fucking story)), there was a piece about how Tony LaRussa settled with Twitter because someone set up a fake Tony Larussa twitter account and made posts that somehow defamed him.

Who gives a shit right? Yeah, me neither. But somehow I googled something else, found a link that linked to a link that linked to a page that redirected you to a site that somehow landed me on the Twitter blog. Yeah, that’s pretty shitty in and of itself. But the huge turd in the matter is that before noon today Twitter posted something saying, no motherfuckers we didn’t settle, won’t settle and to kiss their rosy red black asses on the matter.

12 fucking hours they have that up and all 4 of the fucking newscasts, a ton of traditional news websites and a shit load of blogs have report erroneously that he settled. They fucking newscasts just picked up the Associated Press story, condensed it down and threw it on a teleprompter. A decade ago I would bitch about how not one fucking person could pickup a phone and confirm this with Twitter. But that’s not even the case any more. In 2009 these lazy fucking pieces of shit don’t even have to pick up a phone and talk to anyone, they just have to fire up a browser.

Then again, that would take away precious seconds away from their bread and butter of telling us about a storm that missed us by 4 counties.

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