For a country so in love with bravado talk about individuality, capitalism and self-determination, we sure are a bunch of socialist, communism acting pussies.
Everything is a fucking team event. Not a sport mind you, an event. School projects you get put on a team, although you’re graded individually. At work there’s all kinds of bullshit teams within bullshit teams, although, you’re paid individually. You can’t even just help charity anymore without joining some team.
Even exclusively individual events are unnaturally forced into teams. Go check out a school’s extra-curricular programs: bowling team, tennis team, gymnastics team, golf team, track team, chess team, math team, speech team. Not one of those fucking things lends itself to being done by a team, yet to condition future generations into this culture of team bullshit, we force everything we can into it.
Like most things I hate, I am embracing it. And trying to suffocate it with a pile of my own shit.
So, it is with great fanfare and a spirit of communism, that I am announcing the Porkjerky.com Shitting Team. That’s right. Its high time we grouped together as people and cultivated the synergy of our abilities by helping one another out to take our cumulative shitting to the next level.
No longer will you have to crap solitarily, all your teammates will be on that crapper with you helping you strive to do your best and push out the best turd you can. Through teamwork and dedication to another we can collectively prosper and reach the pinnacle of our shitting abilities. But only if we are selfless and put the team above all us.
You guys with me? Alright. Huddle up and hands in the middle. On three, ‘Go Team Porkjerky.com Shitters’, on three.
GO TEAM PORKJERKY.COM SHITTERS.
That’s the spirit, now let’s get out there and pinch one off for the gipper.
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