I decided to do something special with today’s turd. I wanted to give back to the community. To affect a positive change on society for once and not just crack poop jokes.
So today, I put wristbands around my turds to serve as a reminder and to bring awareness about a cause that is very near and dear to my heart. If I can show just one person the right way and guide them to the correct path this will be worth it. So that’s why I am doing this.
I just want to raise awareness of how much of a dumbfuck everyone of you looks wearing these fucking things. Guess what shitbag? Everyone knows tit cancer exists. Everyone knows that Lance Armstrong has one nut. Big fucking deal. Your goddamn bracelets aren’t doing a dead whores bit of good.
No Jason, you see, 12 cents of every dollar spent on these stupid things goes to help make more of these god damn things so other losers can buy them and then 12 cents of that money keeps going back into making these stupid fucking things. So, you see it’s a spiral of help that builds upon itself and saves babies and widows.
It’s a fucking conscious placebo at best, fuckface. A shitty piece of colored rubber you use to absolve yourself from all the real shit you aren’t doing to help the world.
Well, no I don’t volunteer. I don’t really like talking, looking at or generally being near the destitute. Don’t go out of my way to give money to a specific cause that I deeply care about or believe in. Now, not to toot my own horn, but I did buy a candy bar from the neighborhood kid to go to something or other and most importantly I wear a fucking wrist band.
Jesus fucking christ I am such a martyr. Toot-toot.
You intellectually dishonest, do-nothing pieces of self-felching shit.
No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.