Ruining The Internet For Everyone

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Look Who Put Down His Cock For 2 Seconds
Self Portrait Of Dumbass

And Added Crap To His Shitpile Website

After a long hard day of throwing rocks at orphans, tearing the wings off of baby chicks and sucking trucker cock at the Waffle House for $5 a load (mention this ad and get a second for 1/2 off), I like to think back to my childhood and cut myself. Following that, but before I cry myself to sleep, I work on my site. Below, in probably chronological order, are all the updates I have made.

I seek nothing in return for the endless enjoyment and education you get from it. All I ask is that porkjerky.com, like AIDS and slavery, only be used to perform good in the world. Amen and God bless.

Whether you're a 75 year old who refers to the 44th president as the Coon-mander In Chief or you're a 23 year old feminist vegan entering your 7th semester of community college majoring in Ethnic Studies; I guarantee you're gonna hate these jokes.

Pornography Conjurer
Right now, someone's looking for a video of a drunk World War II veteran getting farted on by a transexual with a hook arm to jack it to. Odds are, the internet's not gonna dissapoint him.

12 Dumbasses dumbassing, 11 Piss-poor Motorists Motoring Piss-poorly, 10 Losers-a-Flat-Lining, 9 Ladies Driving...

The Assholes Of The Fountains Of Bellagio
About 32 times a day, every day; in the full view of the world, the most beautiful thing humanity has ever created, gets its soul gang raped by that same humanity.

Yup, still adding memorials to my shitty site. Try and learn from this. Threats on my life haven't worked, wishes for death and injury to my loved ones has had no effect. God love you guys, I've even gotten appeals to my sense of compassion and empathy. Very cute. Keep trying though. I'm not saying yeah or nah, I'm just pointing out that blowjobs and cash haven't been tried yet. A little more carrot and a little less stick is all.

Fuck Video Tips
Don't believe the propoganda spread by Big Porn: You don't have to be "attractive", "in-shape", "well-endowed", "hygienic", "disease-free" or any of those other buzzwords to be a porn star today. Just aim and shoot with your cocks and cameras.

Fuck the Ides Of March. Beware of trains, motorcycles, shitty tattoos and as everyone knows, the Mississippi school system.

I Literally Cure Cancer
Who needs aborted babies when you have people like me?

Personalized Road Trash
Dear Jesus Claus;
      This year I want an iPad, world peace, Halo Reach, relaxing of DUI enforcement, Zhu Zhu pets, more teen and women drivers, a pony, repeal of seat belt laws, Dance Star Mickey and an endless supply of plastic flowers, boards, mailbox lettering and pinwheels for all those poor people who want to shit on the memory of their dead loved ones. Oh, and as usual, a cure for my butt herpes.
                        Sincerly,     jason.

God, buddha, jesus, superman, mohammed or even David Koresh; if any of you truly exist, please hear my prayers and give pancreatic cancer to every fucking breast cancer awareness evangelist and anyone who supports them. In your name(s) amen.

Roadside Crosses
Good news: Society held up its end of the bargain. Pursuant to our agreement, you dumbfucks kept putting trash in ditches to memorialize your deceased loved ones. And I'm doing my part to hold the mirror so you can see the reflection of what you created.

First I let you shit image ads all over the web with the Porkjerky.com Banner Ad Network. Now, In my benevolent quest to drown the internet in its own puke, I give you customizable text ads. Eat 'em up idiots.

Simile Creator
Wow, this thing is like...ummm....Okay, I got it...Its as awesome as...Nope, that's not it either...I'm drawing a blank. If only I could compose the perfect comparative statement to accurately describe how great this thing is.

The holidays are getting close, you know what that means: Its the suicide season. Go ahead just like you did with Zumbas, Loud Mouth Billy Bass and Facebook; jump on this band wagon too. I wrote 2 new letters (Honorbound and Heartbroken) to make it easier for you.

Tit Tumor Hysteria
The sky is falling the sky is falling. Cut off your tits, put on some pink, hold a bake sale, throw a silent auction, join a herd of heifers and walk 5 kilometers for some fucking reason or another. There are so many pointless things you can do to raise misinformed awareness about breast cancer. But who's rasing awareness about breast cancer awareness? Now you can quit your job for just that purpose.

When I tell you not to send me hatemail, I'm doing it with your best interest in mind. Someone wrote telling me I was horrible for what I do with roadside crosses, wished death upon my loved ones and mentioned their dead sister has a roadside cross but luckily it wasn't on my site. See where this is going? Yeah, lucky no more.

Shit Calculator
One question has haunted mankind since the inception of time: How high up the Washington Memorial would I be able to stack all the turds I have crapped in my life. Wonder no more.

Maybe its since I'm such a nice guy. Perhaps its to counteract all the shit my plog is spewing onto the web. Or maybe its because I bought stock in a penicillin company and want to help spread syphilis even more than I already do. Whatever the case, you can now get the best pickup lines ever written and even place them on your site.

Poop Log Blog Countdown
1. Create and launch the world's first plog.
2. Sell it out like a junkie whore sitting on a pile of expired pussy.
3. Use the cash to start and run best charity ever.
This shitty adventure begins 1/1/2009.

I can't believe that those cocksucking shysters who loaned you money because you promised in writing to pay them back, actually expect you to pay them back. Don't let those motherfuckers get away with that shit. Follow my advice and it will all be fine.

Submit A Memorial
Drunk teens roll daddy's car on your front lawn? City Hall won't enforce littering laws? Tired of driving by the same stuffed animals and shitty cross for some idiot who crashed 7 years ago? Well let me know about it and I might include it in my collection.

More roadside crosses, a roadside star of david and a railroadside memorial.

Porkjerky Personals Ads
Every fucking website features some fucking loser as their fucking catch of the fucking day. Thanks to and featuring me, now your freaking site can too.

People are still dying to get on my site. Ha ha, holy fuck that's good. I don't care who you are or how often I reuse that, its still fucking funny. '...still dying to get on my...', holy fuckballs Jason you are one funny negro.

Porkjerky.com Faggotization
Overhauled the whole pile of puke that is this website. Same shitty content, fancy smancy new look. Sweet motherfucker, I am going get that MBA yet.
Did you know that in a math test given to all Americans, the average person scored right around the 50th percentile?
Yeah, you're a dumbfuck.