After a long hard day of throwing rocks at orphans, tearing the wings off of baby chicks and sucking trucker cock at the Waffle House for $5 a load (mention this ad and get a second for 1/2 off), I like to think back to my childhood and cut myself. Following that, but before I cry myself to sleep, I work on my site. Below, in probably chronological order, are all the updates I have made.
I seek nothing in return for the endless enjoyment and education you get from it. All I ask is that porkjerky.com, like AIDS and slavery, only be used to perform good in the world. Amen and God bless.
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3/8/9
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When I tell you not to send me
hatemail, I'm doing it with your best interest in mind. Someone wrote telling me
I was horrible for what I do with roadside crosses, wished death upon my loved ones and mentioned their dead sister has a roadside cross but
luckily it wasn't on my site. See where this is going? Yeah, lucky no more. |
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| | | | One question has haunted mankind since the inception of time: How high up the
Washington Memorial would I be able to stack all the turds I have crapped in my life. Wonder no more.
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1/12/9
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Maybe its since I'm such a nice guy. Perhaps its to counteract all the shit
my plog is spewing onto the web. Or maybe its because I bought stock in a penicillin company and want to help spread syphilis
even more than I already do. Whatever the case, you can now get the best pickup lines ever written and even place them on your site. |
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| | | | 1. Create and launch the world's first plog. 2. Sell it out
like a junkie whore sitting on a pile of expired pussy. 3. Use the cash to start and run best charity ever. This shitty adventure begins 1/1/2009. | | | | |
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9/26/8
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I can't believe that those cocksucking shysters who loaned you money
because you promised in writing to pay them back, actually expect you to pay them back. Don't let those motherfuckers get away with that shit. Follow
my advice and it will all be fine.
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| | | | Drunk teens roll daddy's car on your front lawn? City Hall won't enforce littering laws? Tired
of driving by the same stuffed animals and shitty cross for some idiot who crashed 7 years ago? Well let me know about it and I might include it in
my collection. | | | | |
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8/18/8
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More roadside crosses, a roadside star of david and a railroadside
memorial.
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| | | | Every fucking website features some fucking loser as their fucking catch of the
fucking day. Thanks to and featuring me, now your freaking site can too.
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5/9/8
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People are still dying to get on my site. Ha ha, holy fuck that's good. I don't
care who you are or how often I reuse that, its still fucking funny. '...still dying to get on my...', holy fuckballs Jason you are one funny negro.
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| | | | Overhauled the whole pile of puke that is this website. Same shitty content, fancy smancy
new look. Sweet motherfucker, I am going get that MBA yet.
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11/22/7
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This Thanksgiving, between volunteering at the battered women's home
educating smart-mouthed ladies about shutting their yaps and passing out Southern Comfort and Kools at the homeless shelter, I had 5
minutes, so I decided to end hunger.
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| | | | To celebrate, I took the site down, uvulated and reflected on all that this day means. Like color
coded threat levels; barefoot, liquid-free airport terminals; memories of habeaus corpus and a bumpercrop of dead brown people.
Allah bless us, everyone.
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1/6/7
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This is for all you lobotomized, faggoty baby-rapists who think that calling me a 'G.D. F-ing
Redheaded Retard' is a soul crushing putdown. There's even a version of it you can put on your own site. Your welcome Professor Dickshaft.
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| | | | Putting the 'laughter' back into vehicular manslaugther'.
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6/30/6
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The drop down atop each page of this site lets you convert it to a different translation. You
can now do that for any page on the internet. Chinese, Tourette's, Christian Tourette's, Pig Latin and Hack Comedian. The web just got a little less
shitty.
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| | | | Like a pregnant, hung-over welfare mom at the end of the month, I am mixing
together and microwaving leftovers. Instead of a completly new idea, you guys get an Unregister to Vote Letter Generator. If you need to know why
you should use it, go here. | | | | |
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8/25/5
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On this leg of my white trash safari, I continue tracking shitty drivers by their
droppings, brave an abortion cemetary and learn about some guy named Jesus.
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| | | | Medical Fact: Lying for the good of the children, to the good children, is good for the
children. Don't let the terrorists win by convincing you of anything different.
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3/14/5
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What do you get when you cross a dumbfuck and a median? No, wait, I told it wrong.
Why'd the dumbfuck cross the median? No, that's not it. Oh I know--A dumbfuck, a median and a rabbi walk into oncoming traffic...no wait. Now I
remember...
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| | | | By joining my MLM-based, pyramid ponzi scheme and placing these simple ads on your site you
can finally start bitching about the empty promises I am making about how wealthy you will become. You have my patented 437.92% money back
guarantee.
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12/2/4
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Oh great, another hatemail page. Just what the fucking web needs. Tune in next time when my
site changes to a blog and I constantly rave about how smart my rants about stupid people are. Current Mood: MegaFaggoty.
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| | | | Finding the right message to leave when you off yourself just got easier. Added 2 new ones,
Politics and Suicide Pact) as well as a P.S. message for the kids.
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10/15/4
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Updated my Fuck The Vote page with some public service announcements
from some of Hollywood Squares most authorative intellectuals on the subject (be sure to turn your sound on). Also, I successfully unregistered to vote. |
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| | | | Remember, in moderation; cell phones, Zimas and improper lane changes can make
driving fun.
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7/20/4
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Lost your faith in the democratic process? Believe that the system can't be
changed? Think your one vote doesn't matter? Well, my name is Jason and I will be your guide. Welcome to reality.
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| | | | With gas at $2 a gallon, I suspect that these will be the last crosses I add to my site.
People are just going to start walking, bicycling and using public trans--ha ha, I almost typed all that with a straight face.
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4/27/4
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Unlike other weight loss scams, this one does not require the use of diuretics,
tapeworms, heroin, cancer or Jamican Ass Funnels.
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