After a long hard day of throwing rocks at orphans, tearing the wings off of baby chicks and sucking trucker cock at the Waffle House for $5 a load (mention this ad and get a second for 1/2 off), I like to think back to my childhood and cut myself. Following that, but before I cry myself to sleep, I work on my site. Below, in probably chronological order, are all the updates I have made.
I seek nothing in return for the endless enjoyment and education you get from it. All I ask is that porkjerky.com, like AIDS and slavery, only be used to perform good in the world. Amen and God bless.
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| | | | Yup, still adding memorials to my shitty site. Try and learn from this. Threats on my life
haven't worked, wishes for death and injury to my loved ones has had no effect. God love you guys, I've even gotten appeals to my sense of compassion and empathy.
Very cute. Keep trying though. I'm not saying yeah or nah, I'm just pointing out that blowjobs and cash haven't been tried yet. A little more carrot and a little less stick is all.
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1/20/13
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Don't believe the propoganda spread by Big Porn: You don't have to be "attractive",
"in-shape", "well-endowed", "hygienic", "disease-free" or any of those other buzzwords to be a porn star today. Just aim and shoot with your cocks
and cameras.
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| | | | Fuck the Ides Of March. Beware of trains, motorcycles, shitty
tattoos and as everyone knows, the Mississippi school system.
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9/17/11
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Who needs aborted babies when you have people like me?
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12/8/10
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Dear Jesus Claus;
This year I want an iPad, world
peace, Halo Reach, relaxing of DUI enforcement, Zhu Zhu pets, more teen and women drivers, a pony, repeal of seat belt laws, Dance Star Mickey
and an endless supply of plastic flowers, boards, mailbox lettering and pinwheels for all those poor people who want to shit on the memory of their
dead loved ones. Oh, and as usual, a cure for my butt herpes.
Sincerly, jason.
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| | | | God, buddha, jesus, superman, mohammed or even David Koresh; if
any of you truly exist, please hear my prayers and give pancreatic cancer to every fucking breast cancer awareness evangelist and anyone who
supports them. In your name(s) amen.
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9/16/10
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Good news: Society held up its end of the bargain. Pursuant to our agreement, you
dumbfucks kept putting trash in ditches to memorialize your deceased loved ones. And I'm doing my part to hold the mirror so you can see the reflection
of what you created.
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| | | | First I let you shit image ads all over the web with the
Porkjerky.com Banner Ad Network. Now, In my benevolent quest to drown the internet in
its own puke, I give you customizable text ads. Eat 'em up idiots. | | | | |
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3/1/10
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Wow, this thing is like...ummm....Okay, I got it...Its as awesome as...Nope, that's not it either...I'm drawing
a blank. If only I could compose the perfect comparative statement to accurately describe how great this thing is.
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| | | | The holidays are getting close, you know what that means: Its the suicide season. Go ahead
just like you did with Zumbas, Loud Mouth Billy Bass and Facebook; jump on this band wagon too. I wrote 2 new letters (Honorbound and Heartbroken) to
make it easier for you.
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10/13/9
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The sky is falling the sky is falling. Cut off your tits, put on some pink, hold a bake sale, throw a
silent auction, join a herd of heifers and walk 5 kilometers for some fucking reason or another. There are so many pointless things you can do to raise
misinformed awareness about breast cancer. But who's rasing awareness about breast cancer awareness? Now you can quit your job for just that
purpose.
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| | | | When I tell you not to send me
hatemail, I'm doing it with your best interest in mind. Someone wrote telling me I was horrible for what I
do with roadside crosses, wished death upon my loved ones and mentioned their dead sister has a roadside cross but luckily it wasn't on my site.
See where this is going? Yeah, lucky no more. | | | | |
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2/6/9
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One question has haunted mankind since the inception of time: How high up the
Washington Memorial would I be able to stack all the turds I have crapped in my life. Wonder no more.
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| | | | Maybe its since I'm such a nice guy. Perhaps its to counteract all the shit
my plog is spewing onto the web. Or maybe its because I bought stock in a penicillin company and want to help spread
syphilis even more than I already do. Whatever the case, you can now get the best pickup lines ever written and even place them on your site. | | | | |
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12/5/8
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1. Create and launch the world's first plog. 2. Sell it out
like a junkie whore sitting on a pile of expired pussy. 3. Use the cash to start and run best charity ever. This shitty adventure begins 1/1/2009. |
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| | | | I can't believe that those cocksucking shysters who loaned you money
because you promised in writing to pay them back, actually expect you to pay them back. Don't let those motherfuckers get away with that shit. Follow
my advice and it will all be fine.
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9/2/8
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Drunk teens roll daddy's car on your front lawn? City Hall won't enforce littering laws? Tired
of driving by the same stuffed animals and shitty cross for some idiot who crashed 7 years ago? Well let me know about it and I might include it in
my collection. |
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| | | | More roadside crosses, a roadside star of david and a railroadside
memorial.
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5/29/8
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Every fucking website features some fucking loser as their fucking catch of the
fucking day. Thanks to and featuring me, now your freaking site can too.
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| | | | People are still dying to get on my site. Ha ha, holy fuck that's good. I don't
care who you are or how often I reuse that, its still fucking funny. '...still dying to get on my...', holy fuckballs Jason you are one funny negro.
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2/23/8
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Overhauled the whole pile of puke that is this website. Same shitty content, fancy smancy
new look. Sweet motherfucker, I am going get that MBA yet.
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| | | | This Thanksgiving, between volunteering at the battered women's home
educating smart-mouthed ladies about shutting their yaps and passing out Southern Comfort and Kools at the homeless shelter, I had 5
minutes, so I decided to end hunger.
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9/11/7
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To celebrate, I took the site down, uvulated and reflected on all that this day means. Like color
coded threat levels; barefoot, liquid-free airport terminals; memories of habeaus corpus and a bumpercrop of dead brown people.
Allah bless us, everyone.
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| | | | This is for all you lobotomized, faggoty baby-rapists who think that calling me a 'G.D. F-ing
Redheaded Retard' is a soul crushing putdown. There's even a version of it you can put on your own site. Your welcome Professor Dickshaft.
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11/27/6
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Putting the 'laughter' back into vehicular manslaugther'.
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| | | | The drop down atop each page of this site lets you convert it to a different translation. You
can now do that for any page on the internet. Chinese, Tourette's, Christian Tourette's, Pig Latin and Hack Comedian. The web just got a little less
shitty.
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1/24/6
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Like a pregnant, hung-over welfare mom at the end of the month, I am mixing
together and microwaving leftovers. Instead of a completly new idea, you guys get an Unregister to Vote Letter Generator. If you need to know why
you should use it, go here. |