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R.I.P.->Glorifying Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore With Litter

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Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore
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Memorial For Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore

As I stumbled onto this soybean field just off Hwy 75 near the Nebraska/Kansas border I figured these two crosses were placed by seperate families of the same head-on collision. That would explain the spacing and the differently decorated crosses. How wrong I was.

I was standing in the middle of the premise of Keanua Reeve's next romantic cometragedy. Those memorials were for 2 different wrecks, 8 years apart. What are the odds of tragic tacky lightning striking the same spot twice?

Because I'm not just an asshole, but a fair asshole, this post will focus on only the left cross. You can read my synopsis of the right one on its own page here. If you go through the trouble of dying in your own wreck and your loved ones shittily memorializes you, I will give you the full disrespect you deserve by giving you your own page.

No matter how boring your story is: On May 8th 2004, Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore died in a motorcycle accident while on her way to a narcotics anonymous meeting.

Send hate mail, death threats and proof of your illiteracy to jason@porkjerky.com. Remember, 'Fuck you.' is a complete sentence; 'You infected ass-polyp' is just a fragment.