There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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R.I.P.->Eulogizing Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore With Shit

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Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore
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Memorial For Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore

As I stumbled onto this soybean field just off Hwy 75 near the Nebraska/Kansas border I figured these two crosses were placed by seperate families of the same head-on collision. That would explain the spacing and the differently decorated crosses. How wrong I was.

I was standing in the middle of the premise of Keanua Reeve's next romantic cometragedy. Those memorials were for 2 different wrecks, 8 years apart. What are the odds of tragic tacky lightning striking the same spot twice?

Because I'm not just an asshole, but a fair asshole, this post will focus on only the left cross. You can read my synopsis of the right one on its own page here. If you go through the trouble of dying in your own wreck and your loved ones shittily memorializes you, I will give you the full disrespect you deserve by giving you your own page.

No matter how boring your story is: On May 8th 2004, Shelley Ann Burton Wilmore died in a motorcycle accident while on her way to a narcotics anonymous meeting.

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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.