Drown The Internet In Advertising|
Porkjerky.com Text Ads
Right now, because of your amazing website; millions of people can be educated on your current mood, forced to enjoy that Toby Keith song you have embeded on full volume, ecstatically read the boring details of your boring life for those 2 boring weeks in 2011 that you decided to blog until you became bored with it, be enthralled with that snowfall effect you can't figure out how to turn off and browse admiringly through those pictures of you and your fat girlfriend drunkingly making out at her ex-roommates barbecue birthday party 4 years ago: All for free.
Those cocksniffers are stealing from you. The world owes an artist like you something. You need to stop giving away your internet milk for free and start making people buy your cow of a site.
It breaks my heart to know that you aren't making one red cent from all the great things you have selfishly posted for the world to enjoy. I know I've said this before, but it bears repeating: Without hyperbole or regard for the word 'literally'; this is literally a travesty one million seven hundred twenty-three thousand, four hundred sixty-eight times worse than the holocaust, AIDS, all the STD's I got from my ex-wives and slavery (excluding Indians) combined. You're fucking-A, god damn motherfucking right you're entitled to make some bank off your site. You worked long and hard to produce and publish that engrossing and educational content. You need to get what's coming to--slap some ads on that bitch and watch the Jeffersons roll in.
You need to monetize, motherfucker.
Use the above form to customize the Porkjerky.com Text Ads. See the one that says 'Your Ad Title Here'? That's your ad spot. Use the form to customize it with the ad you want to display. Enter a title, a url to link it to, the body of the ad you want to display and click the 'Create Ad' button. Through magic, sorcery and child slave labor in some brown-people populated 3rd world country; the ads will reload and show yours. Once you get it to display just like want, use the below code to paste into your web site wherever you want these god forsaken things to appear.
Finally, and this is very important; incessantly email me asking where your money is from all these ads you are displaying. Do this at least hourly and include im- and explicit threats about harm 'someone' might do 'someone else' if this isn't resolved to the first someone's satisfaction. And be sure to include your social security number, bank account numbers (including pin and routing information), mother's maiden name and a notarized statement giving me power of attorney for you.