There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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R.I.P.->Memorializing Gary Raney With Litter

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Gary Raney
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Memorial For Gary Raney

Having been left sterile from an electric can opener accident in my late teens, I have come to view all of these shitty memorials on this shitty site as my children. Each unique, each special, each having its own place in my heart. And just like if I had actual children, some I love more than others. This is one of those memorials.

Now, I have only circumstantial evidence, but my genius level induction abilities lead me to believe this is the first guilt-cross in my collection. That is, the family of one corpse wanted to put up a cross for their loved one, but their consciences made them put one up for the other corpse as well. Again, all speculation, but also again, based on my savant-like reasoning skills.

Here's what I do know. These 1 and 3/4 crosses are for Gary Raney who was driving south in the northbound lane of I-29 in Platte City, MO and his victim Stephanie Tucker who was driving north in that same northbound lane. Also, despite the shitty lettering, Gary has his entire name on his cross and his birthdate. Stephanie's just has her first name and the date of her leaving this world, not entering it.

Taken together, that means the people who wet-farted out these crosses to the side of the road knew more about Gary than they did Stephanie. My guess is Gary's family wanted to put up a cross for him, but kind of felt bad memorializing a man who took someone with him without putting one up for his victim. So they quefed one out for ole what's her name as well--to soothe their consciences.

Ergo, I have my first guilt-cross. Which I is just as fulfilling as any pity-fuck, charity-blowjob, mercy-saladtoss or sympathy-donkeypunch.

Please, only send constructive criticism to jason@porkjerky.com. Writing 'Go fuck yourself sideways', is only helpful if you provide specific, self-sideways fucking details.
There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.