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R.I.P.->Roadside Memorial Maker

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Make Your Own Roadside Memorial
Make Your Own Roadside Memorial, Just Add Water And Trash

*Death Sold Seperately

If you're like me, then you're one of these sissy-assed, seat-belt wearing, non-cell-phone having, blind-spot checking, speed-limit obeying, turn-signal using, non-median crossing, undrunk yet defensive driving pussies that hasn't had a pile of blasphemous litter thrown in a highway ditch to remember you by.

Well, I'm here with good news: My girlfriend isn't pregnant. A little less good, but a little more germane: Now you too can get the publicity and pity enjoyed by the Brett Allen Herns of the world, without that not-so-alive feeling that goes with being sodomized by an 18-wheeler.

Roadside Memorial Maker
Deceased's Name:   Barrel:
Deceased's Initials:   Flag:
Message Line 1:   Bottles:
Message Line 2:   Dumbass:
Message Line 3:   Pinwheel:
Message Line 4:  

Fill in the form above to customize your own roadside memorial picture (a la the one atop this page) and start getting the notoriety that being a safe, or at least lucky, driver should command. If you have an actual roadside memorial already or caused someone to get one or just want to let me know about one I should get for my collection, use the Cross Submission Page to let me know about it.

Send hate mail, death threats and proof of your illiteracy to jason@porkjerky.com. Remember, 'Fuck you.' is a complete sentence; 'You infected ass-polyp' is just a fragment.