There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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Omniscience->Truth About Pre-marital Sex

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The God's Honest Scientific Truth1:
Dr. J. Curless, Esquire; Pediatric Ob/Gyn

Pre-marital Sex Literally Kills...

But not you, it kills children. And not just any children, but cute white ones. And when cute white children die because you have sex outside marriage they don't get to go to heaven. Oh no. Pre-marital sex not only harms you as will be explained below, but it condems, cute, innocent, white children who never did anything wrong, had their whole lives in front of them and who would have surely grown up to be war hero saints who find the cure for cancer and end world hunger; to an eternity in hell. Hope you're happy.

While this site is here for the children, it isn't here to point fingers and place blame on you for sending babies to hell because of your filthy, immoral need for bumping unmarried uglies. No, this page isn't here to judge you and all those other soulless, turd munching, heretic fuck-for-brains who love having pre-marital sex, but its here to lovingly embrace you and guide you into walking the correct path in life, no matter how fucking retarded you are. This page isn't about name calling, it is about educating people about the stone-cold, time-tested facts about pre-marital sex. Hopefully, once you have read the undeniable, scientifically proven1 consequences of pre-marital sex you will choose to stop being such a callous, child-endangering, godless prick.

Hopefully, for the children. And so the terrorists don't win.

I would like to say the below sideshow is a dramatization of what could or might happen if someone engages in having pre-marital sex but it isn't. It is an actual recreation of events that will immediately happen to you everytime you have sex outside marriage.

Pre-marital Sex: The Graphically Honest Truth1
The Dangers Of pre-marital sex
Play Back Next Brainwash Mode:
Prepare to have your mind blown with the scientifically proven effects of pre-marital sex.

Maybe you still aren't convinced and still think that "bumping unmarried uglies" is cool. Well let me tell you something about being cool you little misguided Fonzi, pre-marital sex is definitely not cool. In fact, its totally uncool. Let's suppose that you are selfish and don't want to stop bumping unmarried uglies no matter how many babies you are personally responsible to sending to Lucifer. Well, there are also consequences for you that will absolutely occur.

Time and again, when people have sex outside marriage, they always end up going blind1, being set on fire1, and spending the rest of their life in prison being ass raped by a big black man1 who is bigger and blacker than that guy in The Green Mile2. And all of that will absolutely, positively, without a doubt, certainly happen to you and there is nothing short of not having pre-marital sex that will prevent it. Guaranteed.

Everytime you have sex outside marriage it's as if you are poking your own eyes out, setting yourself on fire and lubing your own ass up for some aggravated, african sodomy. Is that the kind of life you want to lead? Is that how your parents raised you? Is that the example you want to set for the children?

Still not convinced? What if you were shown the irrefutable facts about pre-marital sex that have been proven thousands of times over in clinical studies by the world's leading scientists1? Well, let's see how "cool" and "bodacious" and "groovy" you think "bumping unmarried uglies" is after you try these scientifically proven truths1 on for size:

Pre-marital Sex: Medically Proven Facts1
  • Pre-marital sex is the number 1 cause of kids becoming orphans and puppies being run over.
  • God sent A.I.D.S. here to wipe out all people who have sex outside marriage.
  • The horrific effects of having pre-marital sex will stay in your system and show in an urinalysis for up to 47 months and can be detected in your hair follicles for over 173 years.
  • Your great grandmother, in heaven, can see you everytime you have sex outside marriage. Coincidentally, she isn't too proud.
  • Having pre-marital sex while pregnant will cause your baby to come out retarded, sideways, as a pile of goo, or not at all.
  • With the new pope and the Patriot Act, pre-marital sex can get you excommunicated, possibly deported.

So, for the children's sake, remember that everytime you have sex outside marriage; babies die, the terrorists win, the american way of life is endangered and you are literally begging to be set on fire, blinded, imprisoned and ass raped by a huge black man. Now that you know all the indisputable facts1 I trust you will make the correct decision in life. For the children.

Learn The Clincally Proven Truth1 About:
Subject

1.   No sources or citiations for any of the information on this page are necessary. All of the above statements are self-evident facts and obviously correct. If you question or disagree with any information herein you are probably a terrorist who has a selfish interested in spreading lies about pre-marital sex, are definitely a bias source who cannot be trusted and deserve the hell rotting that awaits you.

2.   Michael Clark Duncan.

If history teaches us anything, it's that we are too fucking stupid to learn from it.
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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.