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Omniscience->Breast Cancer Over-Awareness

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Lies, Damn Lies And Breast Cancer Awareness

You horrible, horrible piece of shit, assfuck, loser, pedophile, terrorist, abortion-surviving, treasonous, douchebag, rapist, baby-killing Nazi cocksucker war-criminal. What are you doing reading a web page when literally, every 2.7 seconds, 8 out of every 5 women in the world are dying from breast cancer at least twice in their lives? It's 2018, there are people in the world who are not overly aware nor misinformed about breast cancer, and you're just sitting there surfing the web, apathetic to it all.

You uncaring, self-centered bastard. Why the hell do you hate boobs so much? What did they ever do to you?

Breast Cancer Over-Awareness Quiz

Section A:   Boobs Or Brains--You Can't Have Both

1. Out of 100 women, how many overestimate their risk of getting breast cancer?
2. In percent whats the average woman think her chance of getting breast cancer is?
3. In percent, whats the chance that a woman with an average life expectancy will get breast cancer?
89% of women overestimate their chance of getting breast cancer. To put that in terms women who overestimate their chance of getting breast cancer can understand---that's like 1521% more than it should be.

I bet you're one of this sadistic fucks who doesn't even have any pink magnetic ribbons on their car, bracelets on their wrists nor pink pins on their Susan G. Komen 5K T-shirts to let others know about breast cancer. You might as well be making bras out of cell phones with uranium underwires in them.


Breast Cancer Over-Awareness Quiz

Section B:   The Cold, Hard, Nipple-Erecting Facts

4. Out of 100 Americans who actually do die from some form of cancer, how many die from breast cancer?
5. If you tripled the number of American deaths breast cancer caused in a year, what position would it hold on a list of most deadly cancers?
6. Out of 100 American women, how many more will die from breast cancer than from testicular cancer?
If fatal diseases were NFL teams and deaths caused were wins, not only would breast cancer not be Super Bowl champions, it wouldn't even make the playoffs. Hell, worldwide, It barely edges out Esphogeal to finish 4th in the Cancer division.

Lucky for tits, I'm not such an uncaring piece of shit as you. I decided that the least I could do, thus what I would actually do, is raise awareness about the over-awareness of breast cancer awareness. That's right, in mocking honor of breast cancer awareness, the thousand of pointless things done for it and billions raised for such a vapidly stated objective, I created this page and every October, porkjerky.com in its entirety will go pink.

Jim Jones Almighty, I'm a fucking saint.

Now, I have no idea how that or bake sales or car ribbon magnets or a herd of heifers walking 5 kilometers helps end tit cancer. And don't even get me started on how many more people die from heart diseases than boob tumors every year. Or how this 'Race For A Cure' bullshit is fraudulent marketing propaganda (FYI--there's a fucking cure for tit cancer you dumb cunts, its not painless nor pretty but there's a cure. In fact there's multiple cures for breast cancer so quit your racing). And even though its a medical fact that only fat ugly, promiscuous women with poor hygene and low intelligences get breast cancer, god damn it, don't try to stop me, my mind is set on this--I'm changing this fucking site pink because I care so much.

Breast Cancer Over-Awareness Quiz

Section C:   Double-D Sized Ignorance

7. What percent of women know what the number one killer of women is?
8. How many times that think its breast cancer?
9. In girls age 8-18, what percent mistake the titty fairy working her magic and giving them boobies for symptoms of breast cancer?
'Being overly sensitive to breast cancer and thinking its more fatal than it really is doesn't hurt anyone, in fact it makes people more vigilant in the fight against it'--in the immortal words of my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Downing, Bull-fucking-shit. Little girls are mistaking getting boobies for getting cancer. You breast cancer awareness spreading assfucks really think that's a good thing?
That's gotta make your tits feel good, right? I thought so. You probably already can feel the cancer in your funbags gettting smaller. Your welcome.

Now, let's be realistic. All the diseased bazoombas in the world aren't going to immediately go into remission because porkjerky.com goes pink every October. Its probably going to take a day or two. 72 hours tops.But I'm certain by the end of the weekend, if you stay off of them, keep them elevated and iced; your jugs will be completely healthy and cancer free by Monday morning. Thanks to the pinkifying of porkjerky.com I bet they'll be just as healthy as a newborn baby's tits in no time.

Breast Cancer Over-Awareness Quiz

Section D:   Testicular Logic

10. If you listed the top killers of women (excluding their own bad driving and Ted Bundy), what position is breast cancer?
11. How many years would it take breast cancer to kill as many women as heart disease does in one?
12. If on December 31st a non-stop train with 126 people left New York at 10pm Eastern Time traveling west at an average speed of 73 mph and a non-stop train left Los Angeles with 109 people at 1 hour and 37 minutes later traveling East at an average speed of 67 mph except when it passed through states whose names began with a vowel, in which cases it averaged 49 mph, then, with the given information and knowledge that a 7mph wind blew from the west the entire journey for both trains, how many travellers can be expected to die from breast cancer?
There's a reason why breast cancer organizations always use statistics relating to women--they're more impressive than using statistics regardless of gender. Oh they always remind you that dudes can get tit cancer too, but don't buy their bullshit: Breast cancer kills over 90 times as many women as men. And it doesn't kill that many chicks to begin with.

Again, your welcome.

So, if you have a mammogram scheduled or you're reading this while being prepped for masectomy surgery or in the middle of another round of radiation therapy, go ahead, speak to your doctor and tell him to suck your diseased mammory glands because you don't need his bullshit witchcraft operations nor the snake oil chemotheraby he's selling anymore because real help is on its way: porkjerky.com's background is pink every October.

Good god damn I'm a great guy. Tell your tits their welcome and give your nipples a pinch for me.

Breast Cancer Over-Awareness Quiz

Section E:   Racing For A Clue

13. On a scale from 1-10 how important is it for a woman to give herself a monthly breast exam so she doesn't die from tit cancer?
14. Out of 10 chicks who actually do have bona fide, legitimate, cut-off-your-tits breast cancer, how many will die from it?
15. Despite Susan G. Komen's misleading propaganda, how many cures for breast cancer are there?
Breast cancer cures: Surgery, Radiation, Chemotherapy and Don't Get Breast Cancer In The First Place You Skanky Ho. Don't believe Susan G. Komen's slogan (does it make you feel dirty that they actually have a slogan and a marketing department? Hint: yes), there are cures. They aren't pretty nor painless, but there are cures for breast cancer.

While we are on the subject of tits and because I just saved you from getting yours chopped off, do me a favor--Quit putting the god damn things in your own mouth trying to be sexy. The only person who thinks that's a turn on is you. I mean really, there's only 2 scenarios in play here, neither a turn on. Either your tits can easily be pulled up and licked, in which case you're a heifer with nasty, floppy udders. Or you're a psycho A-cup bitch who has to herk and jerk her torso while straining her neck to make the connection. Granted I'm no great expert on being romantic, but neither case is seductive. Leave the tit sucking to us.

Don't even get me started on chicks who think its hot to spread their cunts 2 feet wide with their hands. Bitch I want to see your pussy not your pancrease, just leave it be. And get some twat hair for shit's sake.

Remember, there are so many pointless things you can do to provide lip service to breast cancer and propagate misinformation about it. Please, please help in any meaninglesss way you can. Boobs are the future after all.

Democracy is filet mignon. Everyone wants it served to them and always say its the best. But no one wants to shove the electric prod up the herds ass and slit a few necks or even acknowledge that's part of the process.