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R.I.P.->Eulogizing Reese Polson With Garbage

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Reese Polson
Cached Article 1Cached Article 2Cached Article 3Cached Article 4Blue Springs, MO Police
Memorial For Reese Polson

Here's a creepy one. Reese Michael Polson didn't die beside a roadway. He didn't die in a car accident. He didn't even get his throat slit with a garden weasel either. You know how he died?

No really, I am asking you: Do you know how he died? If so, contact the Blue Springs, Missouri cops because they really don't know. He went missing for about a week then his corpse washed up all waterlogged in a creek. Officially, "a closed head injury", not drowning was the cause of death.

Here's what they do know: Reese and his wife, hereafter referred to as "his ol' lady", were at a party somewhere upstream of the creek that is behind those trees in the picture. Around midnight, him and his ol' lady get in a fight, but instead of trunking her or passing out a backhand, he decides to take a walk to cool off. And boy did he. In fact, his body was so cold when they found him that they couldn't use that CSI body temperature technique to determine his time of death. All they know is that he was last seen about a week before and 2 miles upstream.

But hey, since his corpse washed up within 100 yards of a road, put up a cross and litter the ground for him anyway I say. Why let shitty driving have a monopoly on roadside memorials. It's not like you have to have tact when being tasteless.

You're 100% right--Violence solves a lot of problems. Of course its best to first threaten and graphically explain said violence. Use jason@porkjerky.com to start the process on me.