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Nathan Hruska Online ArticleOutstanding FedEx Shares
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Nathan Hruska is my new
favorite cross story. Granted, Peter Johnson makes me giggle on a weekly basis, but I
don't really have his whole story, just some hilarious coincidences. The above cross, though, has a great story, but takes some explaining. So,
here goes:
Dumbfuck Hruska here, like
my old favorite Ryan Beckman, was such a shitty driver that he killed himself, plus he
didn't take anyone with him. Ryan, splatted his shitty driving ass into a ditch in the middle of the night after "falling asleep". Nathan wasn't
having any of that pussy shit and drove
himself into oncoming traffic in broad daylight.
Here's the great part: It was my vehicle that squashed him. Sort of. After I-can't-believe-it's-not-shit for brains crossed the median he ate it
underneath a FedEx truck. That alone is fucking hilarious, but there's a 2 part Curless connection. First, I wrote and posted an
anti-spam e-mail on this site in 1998 that threatened that exact type
of death to dumbasses. Believe Jesus, Nostradamus, Pythia or Mohammed if you must, but I say unless you put it in HTML you're just a pussy prophet.
Second, and the best part, I own 56 shares of FedEx. As of 6/4/03 there were
298,300,000 FedEx shares outstanding. After some simple math and
complex gloating, that means I am .00000000188% responsible for his death. Or as I like to look at it: .00000000188% entitled to his estate for fucking
up my truck.
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There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.