Ruining The Internet For Everyone

R.I.P.->Honoring Nathan Hruska With Shit

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Nathan Hruska
Online ArticleOutstanding FedEx Shares
Memorial For Nathan Hruska

Nathan Hruska is my new favorite cross story. Granted, Peter Johnson makes me giggle on a weekly basis, but I don't really have his whole story, just some hilarious coincidences. The above cross, though, has a great story, but takes some explaining. So, here goes:

Dumbfuck Hruska here, like my old favorite Ryan Beckman, was such a shitty driver that he killed himself, plus he didn't take anyone with him. Ryan, splatted his shitty driving ass into a ditch in the middle of the night after "falling asleep". Nathan wasn't having any of that pussy shit and drove himself into oncoming traffic in broad daylight.

Here's the great part: It was my vehicle that squashed him. Sort of. After I-can't-believe-it's-not-shit for brains crossed the median he ate it underneath a FedEx truck. That alone is fucking hilarious, but there's a 2 part Curless connection. First, I wrote and posted an anti-spam e-mail on this site in 1998 that threatened that exact type of death to dumbasses. Believe Jesus, Nostradamus, Pythia or Mohammed if you must, but I say unless you put it in HTML you're just a pussy prophet.

Second, and the best part, I own 56 shares of FedEx. As of 6/4/03 there were 298,300,000 FedEx shares outstanding. After some simple math and complex gloating, that means I am .00000000188% responsible for his death. Or as I like to look at it: .00000000188% entitled to his estate for fucking up my truck.

As openly a callous prick that I am, it amazes me that people still overestimate my ability to care or think that I value their opinions. Prove me right at jason@porkjerky.com.