There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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R.I.P.->Eulogizing William Mitchell & Timothy Aumua With Crap

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William Mitchell & Timothy Aumua
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Memorial For William Mitchell & Timothy Aumua

First and foremost, I've said this before, but I will say it again:

If you use public transportation, you don't deserve to live

Until they legalize Solyent Green or Nazi lamps come back into fashion there really isn't a purpose for these people. I am sure we can all agree on that.

Secondly, when you are in a high-speed jerkoff (See the article), like William Mitchell, don't feel ashamed to lightly tap the brake to avoid a head on collision.

Thirdly, this memorial wasn't just at a bus stop, it was in someone's front yard (you can make out their neighbor's house in the far background behind that tree). While I think it would be weird/freaky/creepy to have someone die a few feet from my porch, I dont give much credence to that occult stuff. I don't think I believe in haunted houses, ghosts, the holocaust, poltergeists, wandering spirits, human equality or lost souls. I'm not afraid of anyone's deathspot or the supernatural consequences of living so close to where someone died.

That being that, let me say one more thing about the paranormal--Stay the fuck out of my god damn yard and don't even think about putting up any gawdy motherfucking trash on my lawn.

Lastly, if you're riding in the bed of that truck traveling at high speeds (I'm looking at you Timmy Aumua) at least have the courtesy to be thrown from the truck and onto my neighbor's property. Because if your corpses come into my yard one more god damn time, I'm keeping them.

Send hate mail, death threats and proof of your illiteracy to jason@porkjerky.com. Remember, 'Fuck you.' is a complete sentence; 'You infected ass-polyp' is just a fragment.
There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.