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R.I.P.->Immortalizing Peter Johnson With Garbage

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Memorial For Peter Johnson

This is funny on so many levels--the 3rd and the 8th grade to be exact. After finding this cross, who its for and where it is located some people might say 'I wish I could make this stuff up', and they would be dumbfucks on so many more levels. I on the other hand would be embarrassed to claim this actual story as my own creative work. But since its true and so hackneyed, it's beyond funny.

A man named Peter Johnson to begin with is enough to make me squirt a little pee. For the first 13 years of his life you can blame his parents for it. Then after that, for not changing his name himself to either Pete Johnson, or P.J. or even Tiffany Johnson, you have to place the blame on him. The best though, is that it was like destiny caught ahold of his joke of a name and decided to keep it up by making him die on Highway 69. True fucking story--all the way around.

God I love Irony. And Destiny. And Serenity, Charity, Jasmine, even that fat black stripper with stretch marks. Not that cunt Heather though. But most of all, I love hackneyed stories that are true.

Have your attorney use jason@porkjerky.com when making good on your threats to sue me for being an asshole. Of course, the same guy who handled your back child support and DUI cases probably isn't the best representation in this civil matter.