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Adam Hodgeman Online Article 1Online Article 2Online Article 3Online Article 4
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'I got a good feeling about this one, Juggsy (that's what I call the camera lady) . There's a picture on it of the douche that the
cross is for. He's got a soul patch, wearing a black Tapout/Ed Hardy shirt with one of those floppy tweed golf hats. This is going to have a good story.'
Jason Curless, moments after the taking of this picture
With a few exceptions, I don't start with a fatality accident news story and then hunt for
the corresponding shitty cross. Not to get all preachy, but it's destiny that takes me down a road and crosses my path with these memorials as I journey through life's highways
looking for hitchhikers to suck-off and/or bludgeon to death (like the bible, some of the previous sentence was allegorical, others literal. Like, god, I leave it to you to decide which is
which and hope your various interpretations of my words lead to many deaths.). Upon being photographed beside this cross I had no idea the specific details about how it
came to be, but somehow, just by seeing that snapshot of
Adam Gabriel Hodgeman, I knew everything
I needed to.
 Image On Memorial Then I went out and found the news stories which, of course, corroborated my vision. CBS should start a shitty new show based on me and my abilities: The Roadside
Memorializer: Everyone Can See Roadside Crosses, Only He Can See Through Them. Wednesdays this fall after CSI: Bemidji.
I don't know the details of what led up to it, so I will cut to the chase: It was a high speed one
at 2:50 in the morning where Adam Gabriel Hodgeman hit over 90 miles per hour in his Mustang with the cops in pursuit. He took an exit ramp off the interstate but ran off the road trying to avoid
the cars already there. His car overturns and he and his luscious lock of lower lip hair are sent to hipster heaven.
Of course, I solved that mystery long ago. What I don't know, as a cop, is this gratifying? On one hand there's got to be a huge sense of satisfaction watching a piece of shit
roll his Mustang as he tries to out run you. Even the paperwork would be a blast to fill out, allowing you to relive and share your account of exactly what happened. But on the
other hand, its got to give you adrenaline blue balls. You get a rush while in the midst of the high speed chase but you don't get to the climax of being able to yank the piece of
shit out of his car, pretend he's resisting arrest so you can taser the asshole, pepper spray him as he complains about his broken ribs and punctured lung, smash his face into the
pavement as you apply a chokehold, slap cuffs on him and leisurely call an ambulance.
Watching a douchebag die before your eyes without being able to inflict much deserved pain has got to be such a bittersweet dissappointment for the boys in blue.
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