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R.I.P.->Glorifying Mike Lovick With Litter

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Mike Lovick
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Memorial For Mike Lovick

If you try, you can make out 'Mike Lovick' horizontally on the cross (but don't make out with him on the cross, thats wrong for so many reasons--mainly because I already tapped that so you'd be getting sloppy Curless seconds--which are the worst kind). Also on that cross, was his death year, 1993, which explains why I can't find a fucking thing on the internet about him.

Now here's the part that makes my ass polyps bleed: This cross popped up on a road that I have traveled since for last 5 years. Granted, I travel it infrequently and I am mildly retarded, but I would have noticed it at some point. Its a big motherfucking cross. But no, it just recently showed up. It's not like it began as a cross seedling 2 feet high 10 years ago. Then some people watered it, and nurtured it and loved it and it slowly grew into the 6 foot tall mound of puke with shitty wreath and pinwheel blossoms that you see today. No. This cocksucker was recently planted for a guy who died more than a decade before.

Its horrible to do a cross for someone who died recently. Now though, the whole fucking countryscape is turning into one big snatchsucking memorial for anyone and everyone who has died ever. This cross thing is turning chic. Its the cool thing to do. Its the new jean jacket, freindship pin, cabbage patch doll, goatee and tongue piercing all rolled into one, nailed near a highway and adorned with plastic crap.

Kill them all and let the highway patrol and coroner sort em out.

I'm not above apologizing for any errors I have made. However, I'm also not above wishing AIDS and gang rape on you and your family if you incorrectly assert I've made errors. Email me at jason@porkjerky.com to point out any errors I have made. Just be certain I've made errors.