There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
Porkjerky.com
So Funny You'll Snort Milk Up Your Nose
 

R.I.P.->Glorifying Breanna Shelby & Linda Gibson With Shit

    Email Page To Someone   Create A Link For This Page   Be An Idiot, Click Here
Next Cross -->
<-- Prior Cross
R.I.P. Main Submit A Cross Make Your Own Roadside Memorial
Don't Take My Word For It.
Here Are My Sources For
Breanna Shelby & Linda Gibson
Cached Article 1Cached Article 2Cached Article 3Cached Obituary
Memorial For Breanna Shelby & Linda Gibson

Here's some more good news for those of us who aren't big fans of this "allowing women to drive" experiment. Scratch 2 more of them off the list. Not only did Breanna Shelby kill herself and someone else, she came out of it smelling like a martyr.

First, to get across the median she had to break through one of those I-can't-believe-it's-not-a-real-divider, cable barriers that shitty, piss-poor towns like Kansas City use to divide the highway instead of the good concrete ones. But, like a hot, reckless knife through distracted, careless butter Shelby sliced through with ease. Then she takes out Linda Gibson. Next, and here's the great part; every news story I found, the tragedy they tell is not the murder of Linda Gibson or even her death or even the fact that she existed at all. Gibson is parenthetical (in one story she isn't even mentioned until the 6th paragraph). The true loss that all the stories tells, is that of Shelby, the shitty driving teen.

Inexplicably, when you read the news accounts, the phrase, "shitty driving teen" is absent. Its not even implied. Instead you will read about Shelby being "popular and friendly", "very out going", "good worker and friendly", "had dreams and was going after them". My favorite part is that while you get Shelby's life story (which includes her heroic love of French), all you get describing Gibson is "and another driver".

Send hate mail, death threats and proof of your illiteracy to jason@porkjerky.com. Remember, 'Fuck you.' is a complete sentence; 'You infected ass-polyp' is just a fragment.
There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.