Literally Ironic

R.I.P.->Honoring Randy Smart With Garbage

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Memorial For Randy Smart

Its weatherbeaten and barely legible, but here's what I got from that cross: Randy Smart; Born February 24th, 1962; Died June 27th, 2005; Located at I-70 mile marker 91.0 in Missouri.

Right after taking this pic, my dick's already salivating at the ingeniuos, revolutionary puns I am going to make contrasting his last name and his driving abilities. I start planning to write my first two page roadside cross memorial page because of all the data I am going to find for him because I have so much information to work with.

But no, nothing. Not one god damn thing. I searched until my balls hurt and got nothing. 'Randy Smart', 'Randal Smart', 'Randolph Smart'. Nothing, nothing, nothing. I searched every shitty newspaper site within 200 miles of his accident (both of them) and found jack cunt. I tried every permutation of pieces of data I had: '6/27/2005 and missouri and smart", "I-70 mile marker 91.0 crash", "smart accident i-70 in missouri'. Zilch.

When will people learn? Get this through your thick, cracked, brain-oozing skulls--You do me, nor anyone else any good when you put up a cross for someone who died in the middle of fucking no where Missouri. Selfish pricks. Now, this is not a threat, but seriously, the next one of you fucks that decides to crash, for the love of god you better do it near a metropolitan area that has a news organization covering local events.

So help me god.

I'm surprised no one has thought of your excellent idea before. Sending a profanity filled email to jason@porkjerky.com wishing death upon me will definitely change my holocaustal ways.