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R.I.P.->Glorifying Phillip T. Flippin With Trash

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Phillip T. Flippin
Online ArticleOnline ObitMissouri Courts
Memorial For Phillip T. Flippin

Hell fuck yeah. Forget everything I just said. This ones my redemption.

This cross proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that this truly is my calling in life. God had a purpose for me and I have found it. Some people were put on earth to cure diseases. Others are here to educate future generations. Many say they have been called by various gods to spread their words. I don't know about any of that hokey worthless bullshit, but I do know I was brought into this world with one simple noble purpose: To find out and spread the gospel about idiots who were the victim of their own shitting driving.

Tell me this isn't my destiny. Here's what I had to work with on this one: a location and 4 letters. That's it. No last name, no birthdate, no death date. A white cross with 4 characters on it.

And god damn if I didn't find the story: On 11/20/2003 Phillip T. Flippin, who according to his unbiased and misinformed mother in the first sentence of the news article was "the sweetest person in the world" died in a one car accident in Columbia, Missouri. According to another family member he never held a mean thought. Someone else was quoted as saying “He was just very special and very good.” My favorite quote was from the Lietunant Fire Captain on the scene of the accident who said “I don’t have any reason for why people aren’t wearing their seat belts, It’s hard for me to understand”.

Ok, ok, testimony of stupidity, even that of an impartial 3rd party doesn't help build my case that his mother might have been a little misinformed about the sweetness of her son or that other family member incorrecting attesting to the meanness of Phillip's thoughts. But what the criminal records site for Missouri said, might help in contradicting them. Below is the condensed version of his record--it just lists the 3 things he was sentenced to jail for--not the many bullshit tickets he pobably pled down from more serious charges:

  • 10/28/2001: 30 days suspended for careless driving on 6/29/2001, 2 years probation until 9/4/2003
  • 11/6/2001: 30 days for 3rd degree assualt on 10/1/2001
  • 8/27/2002: 178 days jail for 3rd degree assualt on 8/27/2002

Its a criminal record only a mother could love--or at least overlook.

I'm not above apologizing for any errors I have made. However, I'm also not above wishing AIDS and gang rape on you and your family if you incorrectly assert I've made errors. Email me at jason@porkjerky.com to point out any errors I have made. Just be certain I've made errors.