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R.I.P.->Memorializing Amy Hedgepath-Shaffer With Shit

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Amy Hedgepath-Shaffer
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Memorial For Amy Hedgepath-Shaffer

I honestly don't think they teach punctuation in schools anymore. Don't fucking need to. Maybe in my grandparents day a semicolon was a way to bind closely related independent clauses not joined by a coordinating conjunction. But that is so World War I. Today, we use it in coordinating conjunction with a right-parenthesis to show that we are winking. That's progress my friends; embrace the present.

Maybe if we all get in our Delorians and go back to the time when the world had 2 Germanies and Pepsi was clear we could find out what all those fucking commas mean. If you look closely you will see one after the month, after the day, even after the year, and between the two names on the cross.

Shitfucking christ, get someone to proof read your rough draft before you make a cross. The motherfucker even left his caps lock on when he was writing the names. Worst of all, the cuntbag didn't even put the right name on it. Of course, with a name like Amy Elizabeth Hedgepath-Shaffer she would have been better keeping her maiden name of Cox. You read that right. She didn't hyphenate her last name in a macho show of feminism. No, that faggoty, alphabet soup, hyphenated jumble is her husband's last name.

Amy herself though, was anything but faggoty. Hyphenated and alphabet soupy, maybe. Well at least after she swerved across the median, into a semi and got ejected from her car.

That'll knock the hedgepath-shaffer out of anyone.

You're 100% right--Violence solves a lot of problems. Of course its best to first threaten and graphically explain said violence. Use jason@porkjerky.com to start the process on me.