Finding The Laugh In 'Manslaughter'

R.I.P.->Eulogizing Wayne Ebert With Garbage

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Wayne Ebert
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Memorial For Wayne Ebert

Sometimes the stories I find aren't that great....until the fucking media gets involved. The stories themselves still suck, but the shittiness with which they get delivered by these news sources outstinks the craposity of the drivers that caused them.

The online story I found for how Mark Mendez killed Wayne Ebert makes my herpes flare. It belongs to a couple dynamic ad networks (the ads change each time you reload the page). So I saved the page I got, and its a gem:

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Like any good piece of journalism, KCTV 5 drowns the story in ads. From 1997, a University of Phoenix ad adorns the top of the page. But wait, don't act yet, here's what else you will get--Chevrolet, Taco Bell, Capital One, Geico, Another Online Degree Mill, Electricity, Pets, Cadillacs and... (wait for it)... (wait for it)...Minimally Invasive Gynecologic Surgeries Seminar.

Who's the dirtier assfuck now? Granted, I rank pretty high on the callous prick scale, but I am only figuratively capitalizing on these shitty drivers and their victims when I post them on my site. Look around, I have no fucking ads. I have no bottom line to improve, no shareholders to please.

Media companies, though, are literally profiting from these people's deaths. They probably root for shitty drivers to go down the wrong way of the interstate so they can sell ad space for tacos, vehicles, shitty education and courses about snatch surgery.

Of course there is a bright side: Your families' deaths won't be in vain when some ballsucking dumbfuck does cross the median. The story of your demise will live on. Well, as long as it makes the news companies a buck by helping sell fast food, trucks and conferences on curing cunts. Its not award worthy, but the real Pulitzer would be so proud.

When sending complaints of Porkjerky.com to jason@porkjerky.com be sure you include your name, phone number, address, social security number and the method of death you fear the most.