Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!
As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.

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R.I.P.->Memorializing Corey Nimiec With Crap

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Corey Nimiec

Cached Obituary Chuck E. Cheese

While I obviously was able to get my picture taken with the laminated photo of the birthday boy, I unfortunately missed cake and ice cream. Not to sound too much like an ungrateful, uninvited guest; but I thought, and this is just my opinion, that my nephew's birthday at Chuck E. Cheese kicked the living shit out of Corey Niemiec's party at the corner of an intersection that has been proven unsafe.

Granted, it was very nicely decorated, what with the flowers and the obligatory flag and the light pole and you can't go wrong with mylar balloonary and no one pooped in the ball pit. But still, in my opinion, a little on the tacky/creepy side. But, that's just me.

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I'm surprised no one has thought of your excellent idea before. Sending a profanity filled email to jason@porkjerky.com wishing death upon me will definitely change my holocaustal ways.