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R.I.P.->Immortalizing Jim Dobb With Litter

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Jim Dobb
Cached ArticleDoppler EffectLaws Of MotionMO Department of EducationMissouri DOT
Memorial For Jim Dobb

A Crash Course In Crash Physics

Usually, The Missouri Department of Transportation is happy to just be indirectly responsible for the deaths I find for my website: pot holes, crappy intersection designs, quick fix highway repairs, too steep highway curves, lack of median barriers, poor draining, inadequate snow/ice removal, etc. This time though, god bless them, they got on the road and got their hands dirty, figuratively at least.

Of course, while MODOT was the instrument of Jim Dobb's death, if any state agency is to blame its the Department of Education. Had they taught Jim the 1st and 3rd laws of motion, maybe he wouldn't have had to perform such a deranged suicidal experiment and learn them in that millisecond between crapping himself and kissing the windshield.

So, boys and girls, here's today's lesson. Mr. Inertia-And-Seat-Belts-Are-For-Pussies decides to tailgate a state maintenance truck (yeah, thats what I thought too, but it turns out a couple of them actually exist, go figure). The truck slows down and so does Jim's car after it is acted upon by an outside force, namely the truck's back bumper. For, a split second, just as Mr. Newton explained oh so many centuries ago, Mr. Dobb's body and soon to be corpse, which was in motion, stayed in motion.

Normally, a seat belt would have retarded the retard's movement, but this time the the outside force acting on that body in motion was his windshield. Guess who won? Well, it was a good fight, Mr. Dobb got in a few good licks and the windshield won't be going on dates any time soon, but utimately, Jim lost ultimately.

In the next roadside cross physics lesson we will learn about Christian Doppler and how his work applies to the screams of people who are thrown from their cars and past you. Be sure to bring your workbooks and calculators.

Please, only send constructive criticism to jason@porkjerky.com. Writing 'Go fuck yourself sideways', is only helpful if you provide specific, self-sideways fucking details.