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Omniscience->Fuck The Vote->I Unregistered To Vote

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I Heroically Fulfill My Patriotic Duty
Jason Curless: The Best Fucking American Ever

By Unregistering To Vote

From: elections@kssos.org
Sent: Thursday, July 29, 2004 4:46 PM
To: jason@porkjerky.com
Subject:Re: FTV 2004

Dear Mr. Curless:

Thank you for your inquiry. To remove yourself as a registered voter in the state of Kansas, one needs to submit a request in writing to the Secretary of State, or to the county election officer in the county you are registered. In your case, the mailing address is Johnson County Election Office, 2101 East Kansas City Road, Olathe, Kansas 66061.

If I may be of further assistance, please contact me.

Sincerely,

Bryan A. Caskey
Administrative Assistant
Elections & Legislative Matters
(785) 296-3488

> > > > > > > > >

Dear Secretary Of State

I am a registered voter of Kansas who would like to rectify that. First, let me say that I take my duties and responsibilities as a citizen seriously and want to do what is best for my community as well as me. With that said, I believe that the responsible thing to do is to have my name removed as a registered voter. I do not have the time, interest nor ability to stay appraised of the candidates and issues that I will have to vote on. I feel removing my ability to vote will be more effective in accomplishing this than placing the onus on myself to just not vote. Most likely the temptation to vote that will be instilled in me by MTV and various commercials over the coming months will be too much for me, and I will end up casting a vote on a issues and candidates that I am, at best, totally ignorant of.

Take that last sentence of the previous paragraph as an example of how I take the easy/ignorant way out. I ended it with a preposition. I know you're not to do that, yet I did it anyway because it was easier than rewriting the sentence to not end with the word 'of'. This is how I know that I can't count on myself to just not vote and would instead like to prevent myself from ignorantly voting by removing my name as a registered voter.

So, please tell me, short of committing a felony, what can I do to unregister to vote?

Thank you for your assistance,

Jason Curless
jason@porkjerky.com

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After following his instructions and mailing the above signed letter to my county's elections office, I joined the prestigously patriotic group of unregistered voters. And contrary to what many people who have those tiny, chinese-made, american flags attached to their SUV's roofs think, I am still going to whine like a twat about how crappy things are.

Fuck You & Your Uppity Web Site

And so can you. Simply, complete the below form to free yourself from the charade of voting.

Voter Unregistration Form*
First Name

Last Name

Address

City

State

Zip

Unregistration Reason
P.S. Message

* Poop, fart and hackneyed political jokes aside, this really fucking works.
Please employ Biblical Rationalization when reading Porkjerky.com. Everything I say on this site is the 100% absolute literal truth to be taken exactly as I typed it. Unless of course it can be undeniable proven incorrect, in which case I obviously did that on purpose and my writings are allegorical.