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Porkjerky.com Going Green Tip #47
The lord knows I'm a simple man; I don't ask him for much. With a few exceptions I basically lead a good life. I don't rape nor bludgeon to death with a tire iron any child,
puppy nor senior citizen that doesn't deserve it.
My soul is low maintenance and high reward for him. So I don't think I'm imposing too much on God when I pray to him that he do me one favor. All I ask of him is that when my
loved one(s) tragically dies because of their own shitty driving that they eat it near mile marker 120 in Booneville, MO.
Now, I'm not justifying it, condoning it or want any of you lazy pricks stealing my genius idea, but this would be an excellent cross to squat. No, not like that--like what you are
doing living in your foreclosed house you Cocksucking Piece Of Shit Thief Motherfucker ™.
This cross is begging to be recycled.
So its super late Friday night, almost 9:30; mom and her bingo buddies have had a few too many Ensures and Vodkas at the VFW again, she starts hot rodding her Corsica
down I-70, clips a van of girl scouts heading to a campout and they all die in a firey fury of twisted metal, charred sashes and themed sweaters. Being the genius I am, I come along,
slap a coat of paint on this motherfucker, grab some mailbox lettering from Home Depot, snag a flag from the aforementioned VFW, super glue some of mom's knick-knacks to this
cross and Bam, Mrs. Curless has got a kick-ass memorial and no one's the wiser.
Hey, whoever this cross was initially for obviously isn't using it any more. On with the newly dead I say.
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Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!