The Case Of The Phantom Poo

Here’s a mystery for you Nancy Drew. Where’s my shit? I swear to your favorite deity that I spent a good 90 seconds slowly coaxing a turd from my ass. I swear. Got the soiled toilet paper to prove it. I shit. I honestly shit. Right? Please tell me I didn’t hallucinate a crap. I […]

It saddens me that the most appropriate response to people like you in a situation like this has become an overused, hackneyed throw-away phrase. Although we have all heard it at least 4 times today just in passing, please allow me to say it one more time with heartfelt earnest and every fiber of my being behind it: Fuck you.