porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Opening Day
Message to the Team Porkjerky.com Shitters (you know who you are): Oh yeah, it’s a good day to be pounding some porcelain. Let’s put in a good workout today team. I know I know, I like to jump ass first onto the toilet like everyone else, but we need to properly warm up. I don’t […]
The World’s Most Beautiful Turd
I love people who complain about how things that have made life easier and better screwed up and worked just like they were suppose to. They get mad because a piece of technology that is programmed to respond in the exact same way every time, responded in the exact same way it does every time. […]
Down Shit Creek
Where do my piss and shit go? I understand the theory: when I get around to it and flush the toilet my poop and pee snake through my house on a stream of water, through pipes and out to the sewer and then to some waste treatment center in the poor part of town. But […]
Divine Copyright Infringement
Its really a god damn shame that the bible has entered the public domain. Now, and don’t put this past me, any fuck can print, copy, rewrite, publish and sell bibles without legal recourse from Matthew, John, Paul, Ringo or even god himself. It’s in the public domain, its free for the infringing. Use it […]
Roses And My Ass Are Red, Violets Are Blue…
I once had an awesomely hairy tush A candy binge left me straining to push A turd of gummy bears yanked all my anus hairs Thus the end of my beautiful ass-bush.
Ass Deep In Team Bullshit
Jesus H. god damn fucking christ lord almighty cunt fuck shit piss whore. Now, I know I say that a lot, but this time I literally mean it. And when I literally say ‘literally’, I literally mean ‘literally’. Literally. Jesus H. god damn fucking christ lord almighty cunt fuck shit piss whore. Last week I […]
You Should Have Seen The One That Got Away
She was the length of an oarsman’s row if she was an inch I tell ye. And thick as a turret to boot. This was my Moby Dick. Holy crap. I first noticed this beast at 2 in the morning. Rumbling, tumbling, churning and convulsing. Oh, it would be fight for sure. A fight I […]
Where Art Thou, Billy Mays?
2 days ago we took a trip down memory lane, reminiscing about a much simpler time. A time when gasoline had lead, presidents were white, movies were either G, PG, R, or X and we were so ignorant and misinformed that we actually expected women to have hair on their cunts. How young and naïve […]
There’s No ‘I’ In ‘Shit’
For a country so in love with bravado talk about individuality, capitalism and self-determination, we sure are a bunch of socialist, communism acting pussies. Everything is a fucking team event. Not a sport mind you, an event. School projects you get put on a team, although you’re graded individually. At work there’s all kinds of […]
Pussy-dos
Remember the good ole days when chicks had hair on their cunts? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to seem like some deranged social deviant who doesn’t love the look of a 10 year old’s pussy. I’m not a weirdo ok–I can’t get enough of the pre-pubscent, status quo snatch. Every chick in the […]
