Porkjerky.com
Literally Ironic
 

Omniscience->Porn Conjurer

    Email Page To Someone   Create A Link For This Page   Be An Idiot, Click Here
Porn Conjurer Guaranteed Pickup Lines Customizable Text Ads Fuck The Vote Submit A Roadside Memorial Gallery Of Roadside Memorials September 11th Remembrance

Surely, 'An Albino Midget Cornholing A Fat Mime' Isn't Real Porn
If You Can Imagine It, You Can Beat Off To Pictures Of It On The Internet

But Would You Bet Your Life On It?

One day after eating crayons, rotten eggs, shards of glass and tar; my niece's asshole exploded this blood streaked, reeking pile of viscous rainbow ooze with chunks of of god knows what into her diaper, up her back and down her legs. As my sister was paying her pennance for not being able to take a simple fucking pill, I said something like, 'That's grosser than a 450lb, retarded lesbian getting her yeast infected pussy eaten by a homeless vet with a hairlip'. I paused, got scared and then said, 'Dear lord, please don't let that exist'.

When I googled that term, it wasn't exactly a thing, but I did get a pic of 2 morbidly obese bitches with the hairiest cunts you've ever seen getting gangbanged by a group of mustachioed guys dressed up in SS uniforms. (Seriously: God bless Germany. They take a lot of shit for that whole holocaust kerfuffle a while back, but the bizarre sexual acts they've recorded in the intervening years more than makes them square in my mind.)

As, I was refractoring, I realized that there's no hyperbolic porn reference. It's all plausible. You can't create a porn genre that is prima facie ridiculous, everything is on the table when it comes to pornography. Try it: Take an adjective (blind), add a noun (hermaphrodite), then the words, 'fucking a', follow that by another adjective (transgendered) and noun (rabbi). Then take a step back, a deep breath and honestly ask yourself:

Would I bet my life on 'a blind hermaphrodite fucking a transgendered rabbi' not existing as real pornography?

Only idiots, elderly, evangelicals and the Amish have that much faith in and/or ignorance of humanity.

Type Result
Is The Above Actual Pornagraphy That Can Be Found On The Internet?   Yes   No    


0 / 0

At the top of the above section you'll find a possible porn genre. Beneath that, submit your guess as to if that phrase exists in porn form. The top 4 results of both a Bing Video Search and Bing Image Search will be displayed. Then, at the bottom you will get to decide if any of those results match the porn genre. The scoreboard will update and the form will refresh for you to play again.

Please show some integrity while viewing the images of all the distended ani, menstrating mishapen vaginas and possibly illegal sex acts and give the game the respect it deserves. This means, like the Porkjerky.com Crapulator, this page is for entertainment and educational purposes only: No wagering.

Also, while the world's leading fundamental christian computer programmers are working around the clock on one, I do not have a program that can scan a file and determine if it contains pornorgraphy or not. So for scoring, you are on the honor system. When deciding if the term in fact matches the returned images/videos, unlike the people in the results; please use your best discretion. For example, if the porn genre searched for is 'OneArmed Kenyan Getting Assfucked By A Drunk Mule' and you get a pic back of a man who's clearly Nigerian, has no arms and is just getting a rim job from a small, slighly buzzed camel, then its entirely up to you if that result is in fact close enough.

Give the thing above a few spins, then get ready for some real fun...

Search Customize
Actor     Action
       

Suppose you want to see if that cross-eyed cunt Shelly Krygelson in accounting has ever given a blumkin to a toothless Eskimo? Good news my friend, you can type that bitch's name above and it will be used to generate a porn genre that you can then guess and search. You can also customize the action being done. Just fill in an Actor and/or Action above, then click the 'Play Another Round' button and your next porn type will include whatever you typed in.

Here's The Best Part, We're Helping The Children...

Each time you click the 'Submit Guess' button above, you are doing your part to make the world a better place for the masturbators of tomorrow. You are helping to bring about porn that otherwise wouldn't exist for our future leaders to rub one out to.

Everytime you do a search, (directly in your browser, on a search engine site or through a 3rd party like above) your search term is saved in something like the Bing Keyword Database. Then the MBA dickfucks buy that data, open up Excel to leverage some synergistic matrix regression analysis into a dynamic utilization paradigm that facilitates collaborative convergence and before you know it your deviant search term gets created and thrown on the net because some Power Point graph said there was a nickel to be made from images of 'Bald Lesbians Blowing Stray Dogs'.

So while Shelly in Accounting may not have sucked off an Eskimo while he took a shit yet...

I'm so much of a non-racist that I always make sure to go out of my way to make every black person I meet know that I think they are one of the good ones. Whether its true or not. They appreciate that.