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Omniscience->Fuck Video Tips

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You, Your Little Dick, Your Fat Wife And A Camera
Another Lazy Sunday Sucking My Own Cock And Showing The World

How To Donkey Punch The Internet With Your Own Fuck Video

Mark it down: 3/1/2017, today humanity has reached its apex. Every nanojoule of physical and intellectual effort mankind has ever exerted in the past 3.5 million years has all been leading to this moment. Harnessing of fire, creation of rudimentary tools, invention of the wheel, assemblying ourselves into organized groups, domestication of animals, construction of a number system, creation of written and verbal languages, the formalization of science and all its implementations--every single incremental acheivement mankind has made is now paying off.

Life is no longer a meaningless, never-ending circular journey on a hunk of rock around a ball of hydrogen and helium. Collectively our species has reached the pinnacle of enlightenment. On the shoulders of giants we are now able to pull a device out of our pockets, tap and swipe with our fingers and instantly watch a fully bearded yet pubicly shaven trucker in Oregon assfuck his portly wife on their coffee table as she awkwardly felates a neighbor.

We truly are Godís finest creatures.

Pre-Production Tips
Tip #69:   Jewelry
How Not To Make Your Own Fuck Video
Make An Amatuer Porn Video Your Parents And Children Will Be Proud Of

Or we can see a couple of fifty-somethings couple. Man has realized his noble purpose for existing.

Or watch actual lesbians destroy our romantic notions of lesbians. We have acheived our glorious destiny.

Or, as in 93.7% of the cases, we can see grainy, out of focus and pixalted images of a pair of legs wrapped around a man's hairy ass in a barely lit room as it bobs up and down. This is the promised land.

Any permutation of partners, any style of stimulation--we are living in a world where we are mere seconds away from viewing a video of it. Moreover, we are mere minutes away from creating and universe-wide disseminating of our own fuck video. That my friends, as alluded to in all religious dogmas, is the meaning and purpose of life.

Production Tips
Tip #69:   Camera Work
How Not To Make Your Own Fuck Video
Make An Amatuer Porn Video Your Parents And Children Will Be Proud Of

Unfortunately, that ablity, like some dildos, is double-edged. While the good news is that anyone can instantly make and distribute their own fuck video, the bad news is that anyone can instantly make and distribute their own fuck video. With great power, so should come great responsibility. Luckily, mankind doesn't work that way.

Homemade fuck videos are like car wrecks to me. I say that as a compliment--I fucking love car wrecks. I canít turn away. Never, absolutely never are the people fucking attractive. The camera work sucks. Quality and lighting is abysmal. Action often occurs out of frame. Audio and visual distractions abound. Homemade fuck videos are essentially violent crashes at the intersection of hubris and obliviousness.

Post-Production
Tip #69:   Target Audience
Secrets Big Porn Doesn't Want You To Know
Make An Amatuer Porn Video Your Parents And Children Will Be Proud Of

It never gives me a boner, but for the life of me I am addicted to homemade pornography. Its the ultimate reality show--not only is it starring people who are a full of themselves but void of self-awareness and attractiveness, but its produced, directed, filmed and distributed by those idiots as well. It's a car wreck that was intentionally staged by the victims so that gawkers could gawk at them being in a car wreck. Somehow these people are simultaneously cognizant and unaware of what they are doing.

Please don't be one of those people. Take a little time before you forever capture yourself felching a shetland pony's love juice from your fiance's asshole to review the tips I have provided on this page. They will ensure that your video turns out as great as possible. Remember, though these are just suggestions, the only absolute rule to follow when recording your triple penetration inter-racial lovemaking is to just have fun.

I really regret squandering my youth by not telling more people to go fuck themselves.