Canonicus Turpis

Free Shit->Simile Creator

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Simile Creator
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Your browser sucks pickled baby balls. So much so that this simile thing isn't going to work for you. Go get a good browser.
Create Simile

This thing is like awesome as shit. And stuff.

Want to describe how stupid your biological parents are for giving you up for adoption? Boom--there's a simile waiting to describe just your situation. Need to accurately compare the disgustingness of your ex-girlfriends poon-tang (do kids still call pussy 'poon-tang'? I sure hope so. We worked long and hard to get and keep that in the vernacular for you teeny boppers to just cast it aside.) Boom--a simile to compare her skanky gash to something horrendously awful is just a click away. Need a frame of reference for your best friend so he can fathom how promiscuous his mother is? Boom, the simile creator is at your beck and call.

Again, this thing is like awesome as shit. And stuff.

Simile Creator To Go
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Paste the below code where you would like the above Simile Creator to appear:

Just like Jesus and the guy who invented double penetration anal sex, I know that creating magnificiently awesomely great things isn't even half the battle. You need a good marketing team.

Christ didn't become famous just by being Christ. No, no no. He needed grass root campaigning, brand promotion, product placement and a ton of viral marketing done by an army of sychophantic psychos to get to where he is today.

Cue you.

Since I am allergic to being crucified and having people eat bread and drink grape juice pretending they are my body and blood seems a little hokie, I decided to do the next best thing and create the Porkjerky.com Simile Creator. So, to spread the good word about porkjerky.com all you have to do is use the above form to configure it to how you want it to look, paste the resulting code in the white box wherever you want one of these damn things to appear and if possible, hijack a plane, crash it into a world landmark and kill thousands of people in my honor. Its that simple.

Did I mention this thing is like awesome as shit? And stuff.

For real.

I'm so much of a non-racist that I always make sure to go out of my way to make every black person I meet know that I think they are one of the good ones. Whether its true or not. They appreciate that.