Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!

As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.
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What A Crock Of Shit Site I Run

Or Maybe Access Denied...

Or perhaps I think you're too god damn stupid to understand the actual page that you requested so I gave you this error page instead. Who fucking knows? Or cares? It's even possible that I am such a capricious prick that I set up my site to randomly select visitors to get directed here instead of the link they wanted.

Fuck You & Your Uppity Web Site

In any case, you're not seeing the page you requested. So here's your options turdbucket:

  • Hit your 'Back' button.
  • Select an item from the menus at the top or bottom or left of this page.
  • Wait 20 seconds for this page to redirect you.
  • Why the fuck am I even writing this list?
  • You know how the fucking internet works.
  • And if you don't, then you deserve the spyware that's downloading to your computer.
  • As well as, the credit card and social security numbers that I am taking off of it.

In conclusion, this isn't the page you wanted. If you continue to be directed here, then quit doing whatever it is you're fucking doing to be directed here.

Please employ Biblical Rationalization when reading Porkjerky.com. Everything I say on this site is the 100% absolute literal truth to be taken exactly as I typed it. Unless of course it can be undeniable proven incorrect, in which case I obviously did that on purpose and my writings are allegorical.
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Are you as excited as I am? That's right it's finally here--. If you've been a good patriot this year, paid your taxes on time and belong to a cult that does smart things like make you pretend you're eating your savior's body and drinking his blood instead of stupid cult stuff like praying in a certain direction 5 times a day; then maybe, just maybe, this year Uncle Sam will slip down your chimney and leave presents under your flagpole. Be sure to set out a plate of apple pie for him and throw down some birdseed for the eight bald eagles pulling his Humvee. Thomas Jefferson bless us everyone!

As always, porkjerky.com goes dark for 9/11 so get your fill now.