Lyrics To A Simpler Time

In my teens, I once crapped in a paper bag The ingredients of a great prank I had     Toss, burn, smear, and/or bake     A choice I couldn’t make And, that’s why, today, my attic smells so bad.

I'm a pioneer in the field of being an asshole: To this day I am the only person to break off an engagement via the JumboTron at a sporting event.