porkjerky plogAuthor Archive
Shit For Brains Know It All
I have never met a fat bitch who wasn’t an expert on nutrition. When you hear a chunky chick talk about carbohydrates and ketosis and metabolic rates and onomatopoeia and saturated fats you would think she was a god damn doctoral student in biology. That’s until you look at her drooping belly, huge ass, 4 […]
Painful Poopy Poetry
A piece of shit was once in my ass A turd I thought I would never pass scratched the length of my gut, tons of blood out my butt When did I swallow a piece of glass?
It’s Unamimous, Happy Mother’s Day
No surprise here. It was quite a trouncing, that frankly, everyone saw coming. The only shocking part is that it wasn’t a shut out. By a score of 17,776 to 2, Happy Mother’s Day solidly beat bitch mother for the more popular blog post title on 5/10/2009. So, Happy Mother’s Day or in that rare […]
Another Award Winning Shitty Blog
How far do you think the average person is away from a weather forecast? 15 seconds tops? Right? And that’s including all the Amazon, African and Micronesian tribes that think the weather can be manipulated by their deceased ancestors if cajoled properly with a disemboweled goat. And anyone else, like poor people, old people and […]
Dasani: French For ‘Full Of Shit’
Remember back before we being environmentally friendly was the only thing we cared about? Life wasn’t perfect then and I am sure there was some other fad that everyone in the fucking world was getting their panties in a bunch for, but fuck if I can remember it. Anyway, since it’s no longer kosher to […]
Sibling Rivalry
Jesus what a fucking nightmare. That’s got to be traumatic. How do you ever emotionally heal from something that crushing? That shit will scar you for life. Truly devastating. A family of 6 was held at gunpoint, tied up and then the perpetrators kidnapped a 3 year old boy. That’s horrible. That’s a life event […]
Peek-A-Poo, I See You
I love seeing things that let me see how creatures really live. Like nature documentaries. Well not love, but mesmerized is a better word. I don’t go out of my way, set the TIVO I don’t have to record certain ones, get my vagina all slimey in anticipation of shark week and plan my days […]
Building A Better Money Trap
Here’s what I mean: Some fat cunt’s blogfomercial. It’s a one page site, made to look like a blog. Well technically it is a blog, except for the one page thing and set up for the sole purpose of selling bullshit. This is how humanity is spending its time? Setting up these shitty sites, spamming […]
Humankind Strikes Again
Shit cunt piss whore fuck. Its like the internet has turned into a sadistic Twilight Zone episode. This ‘internet’, as it is fondly known, was to bring the power of the media to the common man. It allowed ever single person to craft their own message and send it out it to the world as […]
That New Asshole Smell
My aunt burned through 3 livers in her lifetime. I know a couple people who got recycled kidneys. I know a guy who knows a guy who got a cornea transplant. Saw a Discovery channel program about a baby who got a new liver, pancreas and kidney. John Wayne Bobbit got his cock cut off […]
