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R.I.P.->Immortalizing Beth Crittenden & Joseph Faucher With Crap

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Beth Crittenden & Joseph Faucher
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Memorial For Beth Crittenden & Joseph Faucher

I don't know where to start with this memorial. It's the memorial that kept on giving. Ok, let's flush the obvious turd first: For a someone who has allegedly never sucked a dick or let another guy fuck his sweet tight ass; I sure try my damndest come off uberfaggy. Do I honestly look like that? Is that how I walk around? Please someone, anyone; if you see me, for the love of god, kick my ass.

The story behind the memorial is pretty good, but one we have all seen before: some idiots crossed the median. The real gem of this whole thing is the story of the cross that almost was. God tried his best to make 3 people die that day.

In Southaven, MS Beth Crittenden and Joey Faucher crossed the median and struck a Mitsubishi. Amaziingly, the ones crossing the median (Crittenden and Faucher) where the ones who died. God was feeling rather randy that day, and decided to display that patented sense of humor of his that we all enjoy. Immediately after the accident the occupants of the Mitsubishi were generally ok.

DId you notice how I qualified the last sentence? 'Immediately after the accident...''. Yeah, interesting. That's what we call foreshadowing.

Some beyond-good samirtan gets out of the Mitsubishi that just got smashed and goes to check on the occupants that hit him. What a nice guy.

As he is standing there helping the occupants of the car that almost killed him, he gets rammed by a drunk driver...who sped off afterward. So, Mr. Beyond-Good Samaritan survives a car wreck, goes to administer help to those that hit him and gets critically injured.

God--you funny sonbitch. Don't ever change.

As openly a callous prick that I am, it amazes me that people still overestimate my ability to care or think that I value their opinions. Prove me right at jason@porkjerky.com.