Celebrity Scat

Even with the economy in the shitter. Even with the inability to verify it. Even with the laws against it and the policies prohibiting it. I am certain people would figuratively eat up celebritys’ literal shit.

Famous Shit

You’re telling me some fat bitch in Ottumwa, IA who reads Us Weekly while watching QVC all day when she is babysitting her grand kids so her daughter can finish her sophomore year of high school wouldn’t pay money to own a turd from Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts?

4 words and 1 link for you: Big Mouth Billy Bass

In 2004, dozens of Ebay auctions sold gum chewed by Britney Spears. And that just barely scratched the surface of her digestive system. Imagine the exponential value added when food is actually swallowed and literally goes through her.

Not only would those losers be buying a piece of celebrity, they would be creating it for themselves. Instead of Margaret, that fat fuck from who can’t walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded and smells so much like soap its like she’s trying to cover something up, she would become Peggy that quirky lady who got interviewed on TMZ and all those radio stations when her bid won a Miley Cyrus turd.

I have been to a lot of the Ottumwa, IA’s of this country. And that turd, winning first prize at the county fair for largest ear of corn and meeting Gary Burghoff is the trifecta for a perfect life in Ottumwa, IA.

No one gives a fourth of a cum covered turd what you think, but please don't let that stop you from spreading your insightful wit to the world by commenting below. Or fuck, you're such a pussy-eating faggot you're probably interested in the rss feed of this shitty site. Oy vey.

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Thank god for the Laci Peterson Law. To think, up until then, it was legal to bludgeon your pregnant wife to death.